I’ve had enough of romantic love
I’d give it up, yeah, I’d give it up
For a miracle drug
-U2, Miracle Drug
In writing this post, I admit up front that I am a contributing culprit in this endeavor. As a wedding photographer, I have shot the perfect picture countless times from just the right angle so as to make the bride and grooms’ nuptials look flawless (See above…hire me). I can take those pictures they will share on social media in order to evoke emotion (or envy?) in their friends and followers.
There is so much that goes into the aesthetics of a wedding that sometimes the actual purpose of the day can get overlooked. I’ve seen it happen and can tell a difference between the fiancees who just want the wedding to look good, and those who could care less about the aesthetics as long as they get to unite themselves to their best friend.
There is a difference between something appearing to be romantic versus what I’m calling Deep Romance.
As an example, let’s look to theology in relation to the sacraments. Depending on your denominational background, there are a million ways to view them, but I like the allusion to a road sign. Imagine a yellow sign with black squiggly bacon on it, indicating a curvy road ahead. The sign points to the reality of the curvy road without actually participating in the curviness of the road.
The sign represents a physical reality.
In the same way, the communion cup and bread point to the very real body and blood of Christ to which we have united ourselves. They themselves are not what saves us and unites us to Him, though they do play an important role.
They are elements of the relationship, not the relationship itself.
I once dated a girl in New York who, soon after our first date, told me that she absolutely needed a diamond ring before she got married.
“Not a little dinky one either… It needs to have some real diamonds in it!” she would say.
I had never planned on purchasing a real diamond in my lifetime because of the ethical questions behind their origins. Not only that, but the entire concept of gifting a diamond ring to your beloved emerged in the early 1900s as an advertising campaign from De Beers, spiking sales of diamond engagement rings. In other words, the entire notion behind them has nothing to do with real love, romance or affection in a marriage, but a cultural advertising push not even a century ago.
Yet in our Western culture, it is nearly unheard of—though it is slowly becoming more common—to have an engagement without a diamond ring. As if the covenant could not possibly be complete without the carbon allotrope atop her knuckle.
Though I never planned on purchasing a diamond for my beloved, I do plan on finding something deeply personal and symbolic to represent our love. My cousin’s husband proposed to her with a ring bearing her birthstone which happened to be her favorite color. I know another couple whose husband crafted the ring himself from materials he sourced all on his own. Aren’t those so much better??
Yet the girl in NYC was unrelenting in her persistence for a costly diamond ring. She conflated the artifact with what it represented—true love, deep romance.
To her, the symbol of the love was more important than the love itself.