Faithit

She requested $1,000 for a "Wife Service Fee."

"'You gotta believe me, I didn’t do it.’ Those are the words that were said to me, as I got into the car and saw my lifeless child in the backseat."

"One stick turned positive and a different kind of vomit happened… word vomit… ‘OHHH SH**!!!’ I guess I said it loud enough for Sam to hear me, because he opened the door and asked to look at the test. He then started reading the box saying aloud, ‘Noooo!'"

When I tell people my kids go for a sleepover once a week at their grandparents, they almost fall over, and always end up shaming me.

They printed my mom's receipt, went through the store and got all her groceries, bagged them, THREW IN A FRESH BAKED APPLE PIE and DELIVERED THEM TO HER HOUSE.

"We were excited for her to begin her Heavenly mission."

I was a knucklehead, to say it plainly. I didn’t know how to treat a woman, and I wasted a lot of years taking her for granted.

"They’re talking about crashing this plane. (a pause) Oh my Gosh. It’s a suicide mission."