Women need to meditate on being a sexual creature and talk with other women who are further along in this journey to learn how they can embrace their sensuality. They need to work through cognitions that may be causing inhibition, such as “sex is dirty, sex is a sin, Christians can’t be sexy,” etc. Learning how to embrace sensuality is essential because sexual inhibition will compromise their sexual pleasure and their husband’s.
Married couples should spend time reflecting and discussing their experiences with sexuality growing up. What types of messages did they hear and what types of experiences did they have? Was sex portrayed as something beautiful or sinful? Was Christian sex something to be cherished or something dirty? Understanding one another’s background and what has impacted their sexual development is essential to moving forward as a married unit in physical oneness.
5. Wives need to realize sex in a Christian marriage is one of the most powerful ways to bless their marriage.
Women need to understand and respect their husband’s deep need for sexual fulfillment instead of judging it. Most women feel disgusted with their husband’s consistent drive for sex rather than accepting it as part of how God has made them. Also, they must recognize a man’s need for sexual intimacy is just as valid as their need for emotional intimacy. Men crave sex to feel connected, to relieve stress, to celebrate a happy occasion, to offset feeling depressed, etc.
For men, sex is often a magic bullet that satisfies many urges. In addition, husbands who are sexually satisfied will be less susceptible to sexual sin elsewhere. A recipe for disaster is a wife who is sexually closed off and a husband filled with sensuality everywhere he turns. Therefore, women need to remember that their bodies and sexuality is one of the most powerful ways God has given them to bless their marriages.
6. Wives need to have sex for the right reasons.
Because most men have higher sex drives than their wives, women often find themselves having sex just to get it over with or to avoid having a conflict about it. While it’s admirable for women to be sensitive to their husband’s need for sexual intimacy, if the majority of the time they are doing it simply to “meet his needs” then it will usually make things even worse for both of them.
Continually having Christian sex out of obligation usually decreases desire by building resentment and dread towards physical intimacy. In addition, men can often tell when their wives are approaching Christian sex as a chore rather than as an opportunity for authentic connection. Therefore, wives need to be mindful of their motives for being sexual to discern if “just to get it over with” is occurring the majority or the minority of the time.
To increase libido, wives need to openly communicate with their husband on things he could do to help maximize her natural desire, which is probably related to point number two above. In addition, women need to reflect on the times when they did have natural sexual desire to determine what was different, what worked, what contributed to it and how could those elements be replicated now.
Doing so will be a win/win by helping wives look more forward to sexual contact as something enjoyable for them as well, which will also create more sexually satisfying encounters for their husband.
When the above six guidelines are followed, a beautiful dynamic is created where sexual intimacy becomes a fulfilling activity for both partners that binds their hearts, minds, bodies, and spirits, just as God intended.
**This article about Christian Sex originally appeared on ChristianCrush.com. Published with permission.
