At some point, you have to choose to find the good despite the other woman. My kids, my God is what kept me going on the dark days. The life I thought I knew for 10 years, the dreams and hopes for the future, loss of family and friends weighed heavy on my shoulders.
But I had to push on, I had to hold my head high, to focus on my kids and the life I wanted to provide for them. I knew I could do it because I knew one thing remained and would always be a constant in my life. Jesus.
Each day I grew a little stronger, chose a run over (or at least before) a glass of wine. I chose self-care and time with God daily because if I didn’t, I knew I would have slipped into a darkness that would have been seemingly impossible to get out of.
People say I’m strong. Strength comes from enduring pain, working through the trials and finding areas of growth. I’m this way because I choose to be and I have to be. I make the choice every day to get up and be someone my kids can look up to, someone they can be proud of. I have moments of weakness, I am far from perfect. I feel lonely at times, I miss the strength of a man’s arms around me.
But this kind of lonely, this kind of hard — it’s nothing compared to the daily struggle of not feeling worthy, of never being enough. You. Are. Enough. You are strong. You are a child of God. His plan is far greater than your own. I feel it now. As I choose [H]im each day I can feel his peace. I now know true joy and happiness living without the burden of someone else’s sin, the shame of never being enough.
God provides, He has shown me what is important in this life. My faith, my family, relationships, mental and physical health, and healing. Take the time to sit in sadness, God will sit with you, but then lift your head, unburden yourself from the shame, and walk away from the life you thought you knew, and into a better one. True strength comes from within.
