Dear ‘This Is Us’ — If You’re Going to Start the Talk, Make Sure to Continue the Conversation

Dear writers for This Is Us (Dan Fogelman and anyone else),

First I feel the need to tell you I’m a fan. This important for you to understand before we delve into “the talk” you said you wanted.

I’m a Caucasian woman who adopted through foster care, and raised a little brown baby through foster care. I also have experienced pregnancy loss. Just last week, I wrote on my FB page where I hold a discussion (aka support group for us weepy women) after the show:

*I’m Rebecca, a white woman who mothered a little brown boy.

*I’m Rebecca raising my hand in court, publicly declaring my love and devotion to a child, signing our names to the decree, making our family official.

*I’m all the Pearsons dealing with social workers in my home.

*I’m Randall, accusing a social worker of not caring because kids’ rights always take a backseat to parental rights.

*I’m Randall, who feels justified in confronting mom based on limited knowledge, but coming from a life of love and privilege and believing that gives me the right to judge those on the other side of the glass.

*I’m Randall, saying all those things at the prison — except I’m not, because we don’t get to confront bio parents like he did. We’d be seen as not “following the plan” and would have our child removed from our home without so much time to pack their things. He does the thing all foster parents wish secretly we could do: tell a bio parent exactly what we think when we feel protective of our foster kid.

*I’m Randall’s wife saying, “no this is not ok, we won’t let this happen” — all the while knowing we have no choice.

*I’m one Pearson or another, dealing with the ups and downs of fostering and adopting — the glorious beauty and heart-wrenching loss, wishing we could protect that child from the pain of their situation, knowing that our words and our love will still always fall short by just a bit. And yet that’s all we can do, so we give and love and we try our best to protect anyway.
I’m trying to write my book right now, but all I can do is think back to little brown boy I once called son. The boy I wanted to protect from pain, but couldn’t, yet tried to anyway. The one I had to let go. The one I still hold space for in my heart.

This episode gave me all the feels. What about you?

So speaking of all the feels — I have to say, I’m expecting to feel them all tomorrow. Normally, I look forward to Tuesdays. Not this week. Not when Kate says that she just wants the little piece of rice to grow into the bean to grow into the grape. Not when her heart was on lockdown out of fear of losing her baby, and then she let loose just a little and lets herself hope and rejoice.
And then y’all think we need to talk, so you made her lose the baby.

I won’t remind you again that I’m disappointed. (Angry. Sad. Frustrated. Weary. So so sad.) But what I will tell you is that I am downright anxious.

You see, you say we need to talk about it. And the thing is — we bereaved moms do talk about it already. And we talk about it in the context of your show.