Dear Wife,
In a practical sense, you and your husband are a team. Yes, he needs your help around the house, just as you need his. Yes, he needs your help with the kids. And I’m sure there have been plenty of moments when you’ve silently wondered, “What on earth would you do without me?” But, sweet friends, sometimes you may forget that he needs you for a whole lot more than house chores and motherly intuition.
He, as a flawed individual, needs you – emotionally, physically and spiritually. Not because he is weak, but because you and he are One – and he needs his other half.
Wives, we have the sweet privilege of helping, loving and nurturing our husbands. We will never satisfy or fulfill them in the way that Jesus can and will. We were never created to be that for them and therefore that burden is not on our shoulders.
And yet, your role as a wife is so crucial and beautiful. The next time you feel unseen or unnecessary in your husband’s life, I want you to remember why you are so desperately vital to your groom.
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He needs you to be strong where he is weak.
You, as a wife, have the opportunity to either make your husband feel as if he is the strongest or the smallest man in the world. God gave you a huge and wonderful influence in his life to empower and encourage him.
Sweet friends, please take note of this: The power that God has given us as women was not given to hurt, manipulate or crush our husbands. It was given to us so that we can honor and serve them – with kindness and a pure heart.
When we use our words to make our husbands feel small or unimportant, we are damaging him and weakening our marriage. But when we encourage his dreams (rather than squashing them) and remind him of his strengths (instead of always focusing on his weaknesses) we are displaying love and building him up.
Your husband needs you to help encourage and nurture his skills and abilities. Rather than allowing his weaknesses to be a point of conflict, take time to understand the strengths you have that your husband may not and use those to better him and your marriage.
He needs you to remind him that he is respected and respectable.
Insecurity seeps into the lives of men as often as it does with women, but it comes in a different form. Just as most women desire to be loved above all else, most men desire to be respected above all else. One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 31:12. It speaks of a noble woman and says, “She does him good and not harm, all the days of her life.”
Most men strive to be respected and respectable, and your husband would be blessed to be reminded day in and day out that he is both of those things. You have the opportunity to be his best friend and help pull him out of his insecurity with your words and actions. Listen to him without interrupting, care about his problems and pray diligently for him. Thank him regularly for being the provider/daddy/husband/friend that he is, don’t intercede on his choices or make his decisions for him and don’t ever speak poorly of him in front of others.
True story: In my first year of marriage, I remember having an argument with my husband. I went to a close friend’s house and discussed our disagreement aloud with the friends around me. I manipulated my words to make it seem as if I was “seeking counsel”, but I knew exactly what I was doing.
A friend of mine gently addressed my gossip with me a few days later. I vividly recall feeling sick to my stomach for basically bashing my husband without giving him the chance to defend or speak for himself. Ever since that day, I have determined to never speak poorly of him. I strive to only speak well and to build him up in front of others, no matter what the situation may be.