To the Friend Who Said “How Can You Be Lonely and Unfulfilled? You Have a Baby.”

“How can you be lonely and unfulfilled? You have a baby.” 

It’s a jarring question to hear as a young mother, especially when all you hear about are the joys of parenting and how lucky you are to even be able to conceive when there are those who struggle for years.

But Laura Mazza – Mum on the Run has always been one to keep it real when it comes to the joys and sorrows of motherhood. As a mama with three little tots herself, she’s very familiar with the loneliness that came come along with parenting. From missing get-togethers with friends to the touch of your husband, the job can be busy and full of life while still lonely and unfilling in certain ways.

It can also be a topic that’s very taboo to talk about considering motherhood is supposed to be one of the biggest blessings in life.

In a viral, and all-too-relatable Facebook post, Mazza charges other mothers to break the silence.

“We stay silent because of judgement and for guilt,” says Mazza. “But we shouldn’t. We shouldn’t stay silent just because we don’t have a 9-5 and we don’t want to appear ungrateful.”

Read her post in full below, and be sure to share it with the mamas you know on Facebook:
**edited for language

Facebook

“I said ‘I’m never alone but I’m forever lonely. I feel so unfulfilled sometimes’. ‘How can you be lonely and unfulfilled? You have a baby.’ My friend said that to me after I complained.

But yeah, at the risk of sounding like an ungrateful [bleep]. I am lonely and unfulfilled some days.

You see, stay at home mothers, We are never alone. I always have six hands crawling all over me. I have loud voices and demands. But I am alone, I am isolated.Sometimes I miss my old life. Mothers are so afraid to say that out loud. Why don’t you go back to work? Or end your maternity leave now? Why did you have kids? This is what you signed up for? I wish I could stay home. How can you complain and be so ungrateful? You wanted children. I’d kill to be where you are.

So we stay silent.

We don’t talk about how tough it is
We don’t talk about how much we miss our old selves
We don’t talk about crying from frustration and locking ourselves in the bathroom
We don’t talk about how we don’t even want to have sex anymore because we are too [darn] tired and don’t feel like ourselves
We don’t talk about never going out again
How our bodies are lost to quick snacks and leftovers from pure exhaustion
How we lost friends because we are ‘just a mum’ to them now.
We don’t talk about trying to get everything done but not having a minute to do it all, so the house is a mess, we look like a mess and we feel like a mess.
We don’t talk about how we yell and scream and beat ourselves up for it.
And we don’t talk about needing a break. Because people think we are on a long one. Because our jobs aren’t considered real because we don’t get paid.

We stay silent because of judgement and for guilt.

But we shouldn’t. We shouldn’t stay silent just because we don’t have a 9-5 and we don’t want to appear ungrateful. Our job is 24/7. So DON’T stay silent. Voice it. Voice your loneliness, your isolation and unfulfillment, because it’s not your fault you feel this way. It’s not. Motherhood is just [hard.]

It’s unfair that we get pegged as being depressed when all we really need is some time alone from our kids and some time with our partners and friends and you mama, you DESERVE THAT. Your sanity and happiness deserve it. Your children and you need it. Because a happy mama is a good mama. It’s NORMAL to feel lonely and unfulfilled, tired and frustrated, but you don’t have to put up with it nor stay silent. You are important and your feelings matter.

You might feel lonely, but you’re never alone because so many of us understand you and appreciate you.”