“This Was My House for 3 Weeks. This Was Depression. I’m Not a Slob. I’m Not Lazy. It’s Not You.”


Depression is a sly predator who internally destroys its victims, yet often goes undetected or misunderstood by those who’ve never experienced its wrath.

If you’ve ever suffered from depression, you know it’s a silent monster eating away at you from the inside out — and it wears so many faces.

Whether it looks like a smiling wife or a frazzled mother, appearance does not dictate how deadly it feels in the pit of your stomach.

Everyday tasks can seem impossible. Showering, getting out of bed, putting on your shoes, driving to the grocery store, and doing the dishes can all seem like huge mountains that you simply can’t move because the monster is holding you down with the weight of its ominous, invisible presence.

And the vicious cycle only perpetuates as self-loathing and worthlessness set in when you can’t accomplish simple tasks.

While many Christians are tempted to think depression is a spiritual problem, it is actually a very real medical problem that stems from a chemical imbalance. It’s as real as cancer, and though it can’t be seen, it can wreak havoc on your whole life.

Become A Contributor

The way depression cripples each person may vary, but sharing our different stories and experiences can make sufferers feel a little less alone in this world.

Laura Mazza decided to do just that in a viral Facebook post that has been widely shared across the web by people who feel her pqin. Read her post in full below, and be sure to share your own personal experience in the comments.

In the words of Mazza, “If all you did today was hold yourself together, that’s okay.” Remember you are NOT alone in your battle:

“This is what my house looked like for three weeks.
It’s not bad, but what you can’t see is takeaway boxes, laundry in piles, bathroom grime. Scraps of food everywhere.

This was depression.


This was me slamming down coffee waiting for the energy to get up to clean.
It was me sitting on the couch responding to messages of “how are you doing?” And replying really good. Knowing it was a lie. Knowing I actually felt useless, sad, unworthy, lazy.

I had no motivation to brush my teeth or shower. No motivation to play with my kids or cook for them. Anxious my husband had enough of my crap and was going to leave or be with someone better, who had their [life] together.
The more I thought about things I should be doing, things I should be, the more exhausted I felt.

If anxiety and depression were people, they were pushing me down on the couch by my shoulders, using all their weight. I felt all of it. My heart rate was fast but my body slow.

I’m not a slob, not lazy, I love the smell of clean laundry, I love to socialize and I even like to cook for my kids, but when depression hits, when anxiety hits, It’s impossible.

I guess I wanna say, it’s not you.

Dirty dishes aren’t you. They’re not a measure of your worthiness. The laundry piling up isn’t you. Takeaway isn’t who you are, but most of all, neither is anxiety or depression. You’re not weak, you’re not worthless, you’re not lazy, unloveable or broken. You’re going through something and in those moments you need a friend who doesn’t need an apology for silence, a friend who doesn’t need you to be strong when you’re not. A friend that doesn’t care if your house is a mess because you need to clean your mind before your house.
And you need that friend to be you.

If all you did today was hold yourself together, that’s okay. Tomorrow or the next day or the next week or three, you will get up and you’ll find ‘you’ again. There’s light at the end of the tunnel, even if your brain tells you there’s not.”

Kelsey Straeter
Posted By

Kelsey is an editor at Outreach. She’s passionate about fear fighting, freedom writing, and the pursuit of excellence in the name of crucifying perfectionism. Glitter is her favorite color, 2nd only to pink, and 3rd only to pink glitter.