The NP then looks down at her computer, then back up at Riley’s face and says to my 13 year old daughter- “Tell me RILEY, HOW CAN YOU EXPLAIN ALL OF THIS WEIGHT YOU’VE GAINED?” My daughter is speechless and her eyes begin to glass over. I am speechless and the NP goes on to explain to her that given what her previous weight was last year- the numbers just don’t correlate with her current height. Has she been eating junk food or has her activity level changed.
I LOST MY MIND. I had a literal, physical reaction. I put my hand up and said “STOP! You need to stop talking to my daughter about her weight. She is 13, she is strong. She is healthy and she is PERFECT. You need to move on!” NP seems surprised at my reaction and doesn’t say much. She continues with her exam. As she finishes she asks me to follow her because she has a question to ask me. I follow her into an adjoining room out of earshot of my daughter and she asks me why I had that reaction to her. I explained in no uncertain terms that she was out of line in the way she dealt with my daughter.
Our girls need to be empowered and supported and celebrated. They already have to compare themselves to the ridiculous social media [standards]. They are flooded with images of perfection via tv, youtube, FB, Instagram and Snapchat. Their whole freaking lives have a filter on them!! I hammer home the importance of eating healthy, exercising and of course sports because we are sporty people but my [gosh]! Kids eat junk food! Kids sit around watching Netflix! Kids get heavier, lighter, taller, wider! ITS NORMAL! Our young ladies need a break! If my child has a problem or is OVERWEIGHT than a doctor needs to talk to ME- not my daughter.
This NP actually went on to defend herself by saying she tells the kids because they have control over their food and exercise. My response – LAST I CHECKED MAAM I DO THE GROCERY SHOPPING and the meal preparation and the extracurricular scheduling for my children. She’s 13! She responded that some kids have their own “pocket money” and use it for junk. [SO]- we left the office and won’t be back. The reason I am sharing this is because it is dangerous. Riley’s response when we left was “Mom, this is why kids have anorexia or feel like they want to hurt themselves.” She is exactly right!
Hey NP! Here’s what you COULD have said to my daughter and all of the beautiful young ladies you impact-
“Hey kiddo. Let me tell you how exciting this time of your life is. I see you have started to grow into being a strong young woman and that is awesome! Know that some girls gain weight, some lose weight, some struggle with acne, some feel insecure but remember this- YOU ARE PERFECT just the way you are. As you mature you will be responsible for more things that pertain to your body- hygiene, activity, menstruation, exercise and healthy eating. This is just the beginning of a long, confusing, sometimes scary road to becoming a woman but it is worth it!
-From a wonderful friend of Moms of Tweens and Teens Julie Venn
Be sure to share Julie’s message with the body-positive parents you know on Facebook!
Together, we can send the message that STRONG is the new skinny.
