I’ve heard from your wife—she needs your attention.
She tells me she’s lonely. She feels isolated and ignored. Her life is wrapped around children, work, and/or household chores. She used to feel in love with life, and in love with you, but now she feels worthless and uninteresting. She feels like she’s forgotten how to have fun. Depression and anxiety trap her in a cycle of stress and she can’t seem to snap out of it. How did this happen? Why can’t she become the woman she once was?
If you think back, you remember how she was at the beginning of your relationship. She cared about how she looked and tried hard to please you. You miss the girl you first fell for. Well, I can tell you this: she misses her too. She has matured and grown, but she longs for the days when you couldn’t wait to see her. She recalls being carefree and full of life. She can’t tell exactly when everything changed, but she knows she’s not the same. She knows something is missing.
The thing is, she has been really busy taking care of everything, for everyone, all the time. She has barely anything left to give. She’s tired. Maybe she has lost hope. Instead of giving up on her, exchanging her, or simply ignoring her, you can bring her back by turning your heart towards her. You pursued her once—you can do it again.
You were the one who gave her butterflies. She chose to be with you because you made her happy. She gave you the gift of herself. What have you been doing with this gift? She needs to know that you still choose her. What is your priority these days? Watching sports? Video games? Work? If you place all of these things above your wife, and then wonder why she seems depressed and boring, then you need a wake up call. Don’t give up on her.
With God’s help, you have the power to peel back the layers of insecurity that envelope your precious wife. I encourage you to look at her and ask yourself how you can encourage her. Marriage is an ever changing, life-long process. There are ups and downs. There are exciting moments and there are dry emotional deserts that seem to stretch on for miles. But if your wife has lost her zeal, don’t chalk it up as lack of discipline or passion. You might have to force her to take a break and do something fun together. Send her a text in the middle of the day just to tell her you’re thinking of her. Touch her hand while you drive down the road. Bring home her favorite snack. Tell her she’s beautiful. One small gesture can spark tremendous change in her heart and life. She still needs the butterflies, not just grocery lists and carpooling!
Scripture tells us that where your treasure is, there your heart will be also (Matthew 6:21). Make your wife a treasure again and watch your heart follow. Don’t be discouraged if she doesn’t respond right away. She might feel so disconnected that it could take some perseverance on your part. Once you capture your wife’s heart again, and she believes you want and love her, you will be amazed at the joy you will feel with that intimate connection. It is true that women who feel loved are prettier! Happy women glow, and their God given, beautiful features become even more beautiful.
Take care of the gift that was given to you. She needs you to choose her each day. Watch her respond with love, and see the woman God created emerge before your eyes.