My son Jackson was born with Down syndrome.
He’s been an unbelievable blessing to everyone whose life he touches, and he has taught me more about life than any other person on the planet.
However, when he was first diagnosed, I did not see it as a blessing … far from it.
But I soon realized that I couldn’t let it control my life … and that I could not only handle it but additionally use it to improve my life and happiness.
My understanding of this concept helped me move from a state of despair to a state where I loved and appreciated the thing I once saw as an unbeatable problem.
So, I did what any rational person would do.
I got a tattoo.
I wanted it to be special and communicate my journey with Jackson. The tattoo tells the story of our journey through the chrysalis of a butterfly. (The butterfly is also the international symbol for Down syndrome.)
Stage 1: Despair
This stage is like being wrapped up in a cocoon, wanting to live in total isolation and darkness. Dissociating from the rest of the world completely and preparing yourself for the upcoming changes.
This can be triggered by the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage, the loss of a job, the collapse of a business … or in my case, finding out my newborn son had Down syndrome.
“Despair” is the first stage you go through after being dealt a problem that you can’t fix. You will want to hide from the world, and often feel that you are the only person that this has happened to … EVER.
Being miserable at this point is totally normal, and actually means you have a healthy spirit and mind.
When I was dealing with the news about Jackson, I was at the lowest point in my life … by a mile. We’re talking fetal position on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. Drinking very heavily every night just to be able to fall asleep.
I cried for the thought of what he would have to go through later in life, for the loss of my “perfect” son I had always dreamed about, for my wife losing her “happy ever after.” Then on top of all that, there was unbearable guilt for feeling anything but joy over this beautiful and amazing soul that was just brought into the world.
But the “Despair” stage passes, and you move on into …
Stage 2: Acceptance
At this stage, you have accepted the “problem” and are starting to emerge like a butterfly from the cocoon.