About [six] months into our relationship, John found out his cancer was back. He immediately started on immunotherapy and radiation. Just [six] weeks into this new treatment, we again learned he was NED. John was told he’d need to continue on the immunotherapy treatment for life. Thankfully it was a low side effect treatment, and we went on living the next year in bliss. We bought our dream property, spent time skiing, working in the yard, preparing delicious meals to share on our patio, we were hopelessly in love. Life was perfect. So, freaking perfect.


John and I had an unworldly connection; It’s hard to describe unless you have felt it. He was my soul mate, and I was his. We had the same thoughts, finished each other’s sentences, and shared a unique, whole, pure love for one another. It was almost as if we lived in another realm before this, and our souls were old friends. It was a beautiful miraculous and rare thing. Something you are lucky to find even once in your lifetime. I remember laying next to him in bed one night and thinking about how much I loved him; how rare this love was. I had a fleeting terrifying thought that passed through my head completely uninvited: This love, this life, was too good to last forever.

In September of 2017, John began having concerning symptoms. He began vomiting and was unable to keep anything down. I rushed him to our local hospital. His mom met me there and took over so I could go home and pack some things for John. I’ll never forget the phone call from his mom. ‘Kelli, The cancer is back. He has a large tumor tangled in his intestines. They are transferring him to the university.’ I sat on our bedroom floor and sobbed.