3. Watch the comparison trap.
The root of comparison is idolatry. You might feel like a failure because you worship performance and reputation, and you’re devastated you don’t measure up. Or perhaps you feel superior because you worship performance and reputation, and you think you’re scoring an A+ compared to those around you. When you catch yourself comparing yourself to other parents—and your child to other children—take note of what you’re putting your hope in other than Jesus.
4. Name the good things you’ve turned into ultimate things.
What good desires have morphed into demands, to the extent you either try to force them or are greatly affected when you don’t get them? Is it your baby being on a schedule? Your kids speaking respectfully to you? Your child’s academic or athletic success? When good things become ultimate things, you’re in idol territory.
WHY THIS MATTERS
It’s so important to identify your idols—not in order to feel bad about yourself (“I’m so sinful”) or good about yourself (“I’m so spiritual”), but to discover how to replace them with grace and truth. Discerning your idols accomplishes at least three things.
1. It brings humility to your parenting.
One of the greatest gifts God gave me was a child who wouldn’t play by the rules, because God used him to reveal and smash my idols. When I see how prone I am to worship things other than Jesus, I’m much more gentle in my discipline—not slack or irresponsible, but gentle. Empathetic. “How could you?” becomes “Forgive me . . . the same affection for sin that’s in your heart is in mine, too. We’re in the battle together, on the same side.”
One of the most important parenting skills is knowing how to repent. Humble yourself—your kids will remember your repentance as much as any family devotional you led.
2. It helps you teach your kids to identify their own idols.
Our behavior is driven by what we worship. If you can work to identify what you’re worshiping besides God, then you can help your kids see what they’re worshiping, too. This leads to deeper repentance and, hopefully, true heart change.
3. It changes your parenting goals.
I no longer want well-behaved kids. That’s not the end goal for me. I want Christ-worshipers who know how to love and repent. Who run to him when they fail. Only God can make this happen in their hearts—I can’t force it. But because this is the goal, I don’t sweat the small stuff as much anymore.
GOD IS PARENTING YOU
In his book Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family [interview | workshop], Paul Tripp observes, “As we seek to parent our children, the heavenly Father is parenting everyone in the room.” As you parent your children, God is parenting you. And he’s committed to doing so for a lifetime.
So when you’re in that bedtime standoff with your child and you want to scream because all you want is a bowl of ice cream and Netflix, God is there to parent you through it. He’s there to show you your selfishness, your idolatry—and to meet you with his love and grace. You have a perfect Father who doesn’t tire of you when you return to broken cisterns. He draws you back and changes you, little by little, to be more like him. He parents you with grace so you can parent your own children with grace.
If that’s not the best news you’ll hear all day, I don’t know what is.
