After the wedding, we continued on with the trial for about 3 more months when a new tumor was discovered in her spleen. This, unfortunately, meant it was not working properly and we were unable to continue the trial. I think I walked around the parking lot for an hour cursing nonstop after this news. It was a crushing blow after how well things had been going, and we were becoming more and more hopeful for a future together up to this point. We made the decision that we would try and do whatever it took to qualify for another clinical trial, and the clinic was supporting us 100%.
Laurin did a few rounds of triple dose chemotherapy to try and see if we could qualify for another trial, but sadly we were not able to get everything under control. Right before her 30th birthday, we decided to give up all treatment and enjoy the time we had left. We were preparing for a 2-week road trip, I had a conference in Oklahoma that I was not planning on going to, but Laurin told me she wanted to spend time with her Aunt in Florida for a few days. So she drove down to see her aunt while I went to my conference. I flew in late Saturday night and woke up Sunday morning to a call from Laurin.
‘I do not feel well,’ she said.
I spoke with her Aunt and we decided to meet in Savannah so I could get Laurin home. She was so uncomfortable, we had a hospice nurse meet us at the house when we got home. She checked all of Laurin’s vitals and said everything seemed fine. Her pain got worse and worse and the hospice nurse came back a few hours later, took her vitals again, and told me we were losing her.
We knew time was short, but we thought we had months, not hours. Laurin could not get comfortable anywhere. I spent the evening trying to help as much as I could – we kept giving her morphine every 15 minutes which did not even seem to help. I eventually picked her up and carried her to our bed. Within minutes, she had passed away.
Looking back on this time, there is so much more I wish I could have said to her, but I was at such a loss for words. I just held her hand and kept thanking her for the past few years, for making me a better person, for teaching me how to love. I have no idea how much of this she heard or exactly when I lost her, I just kept talking until the nurse came in and checked her pulse and let me know she was gone.
