May We All Raise Dollar Tree Children

May we all raise Dollar Tree children.

I think that statement alone is gonna garner a plethora of reactions, which will probably run the gamut of “Heck yes!” to “Uh, heck no.”

Still, I’m gonna lead with it ’cause it’s a bit brazen, just like spending a dollar on something when you could spend $4 on the same dang thing elsewhere.

You rebel, you.

And may you be raising little kind, budget-conscious hellions who, like you, see the value (see what I did there) in being financially prudent and less name-brand obsessed.

I’d be lying if I said that I don’t shop other places like the holy land known as Target or Publix, where shopping is a pleasure. Still, when I’m not paying out my biscuit for gluten-free, vegan cookies, my favorite peanut butter protein bites, my high-waisted leggings or vintage-style graphic tees, I’m taking my arse along with my three extra appendages to dollar heaven when we can spend a little more liberally and feel a little less bad about it.

While I’m not the biggest fan of DT toilet paper, I do enjoy not having to spend upwards of $6 on a greeting card, water bottle, solid color t-shirt, coloring book, birthday balloons, or even plate and drinkware.

Listen, I ain’t fancy.

I like my purses from Walmart, my sandwiches from Subway, and my clothes from consignment.

That being said, I like my boots high, just like their price tag, and like my wine to be a red blend, which I have yet to come across at any nearby DT store.

But, for all of your more simple needs and less sensitive parts, Dollar Tree is the place be.

I’m raising a Dollar Tree princess, who moonlights as Batman, likes to smell like Barbie, brush her teeth with ninja turtles, rock sunglasses of every color of the rainbow, buy bandaids like they are going out of style and break rubber bands like it’s her job.

She could get expensive.

I’m gonna raise a Dollar Tree kid for as long as I possibly can, and perhaps you should too.