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Why I Miss the Sleepless Nights

Every once in a great while I still hear that cry in the night and make my way down the hall to sooth a sweet baby. (FYI… I will call them babies as long as I want, it doesn’t matter that they are 4 and nearly 3, they are my babies and always will be. So there.)

However, it is a rarity these days to be woken and needed, but when this happened last week I realized something so precious about this time with my little ones.

It is a sacred time I get to spend with my babes. When I was in the throws of it and literally bouncing back and forth, like a ping pong ball, between the doors in the hall, I could barely see the beauty.

But oh how I tried.

I tried to cherish the snuggles.
I tried to cherish the bonding.
It was so hard and I could barely keep my eyes open since it had been night after night for months of ping-ponging.

But when my sweet girl needed me last week it was different. I wasn’t totally and completely exhausted. I wasn’t begging God to help her fall back to sleep. (Don’t act like you haven’t pleaded for some intervention from the Creator of the universe in the dead of night.) Instead, I was fully present with her. I snuggled her until she fell back to sleep in my arms. I noticed her breathing, smelled her hair and rubbed her back.

However, something else happened that night.
I found myself in deep thought and communication with God.
This was place I hadn’t been in a long while.

That night I realized during that awful “up all night, every night” season I was in deeper conversation with my Maker than I had ever been before. I was desperate for Him, for His help, and His comfort. The middle of the night conversation flowed so freely from gratitude, fears, concerns, hopes and dreams.

Last week I found myself wondering when was the last time I was this in sync with God? When was the last time I poured it all out? When was the last time “we” caught up?

This time I spent with my girl nuzzled into my chest was eye-opening. I want that intimate relationship back. Let me be clear… I do NOT want to go back to the “up all nights” but I am determined to be more intentional about connecting with my God.

I have mentioned before that I try to get up before the kids each morning and have my quiet time. I try to read, pray and sip coffee as quietly as possible in preparation for the day ahead. But guys, if I’m being honest… I have gotten pretty lazy with my mornings. Sometimes I get sucked into the Facebook/Instagram/Pinterest vortex, sometimes I just want to sleep a little more, sometimes there is an invader (Rosie is the worst of the bunch), and sometimes I just don’t feel like it.

Whatever the reason or excuse for my lack of focus… in MaryGrace’s dark room and in that still silence, I felt God calling me back.

I felt Him gently remind me of His presence.
I felt Him call me toward Him.

I want to do better.
I want to be more intimate with my God.
I want that tender relationship back.
I am a better wife, mom, daughter, sister, and friend when I keep this cart on the rails.

Although that sleepless season was so very painful, I am happy to realize it was also life-giving and a time of growth. It can be hard to see the light in the darkness but I am grateful for that trying time, I am grateful for the snuggles and intimate moments, and I am so very grateful for the gentle reminder last week.

**This article originally appeared on ChristenSpratt.com. Used with permission. 

“It’s Not Easy”: An Honest Letter to My Husband on Valentine’s Day

"Here we are, 24 times we have celebrated Valentine’s Day... I feel like I am just lately really getting to know you."

Jimmy Carter: A Life of Faith, Service, and Legacy

Longest-living President Jimmy Carter has lived an incredible life rooted in deep Christian faith. From his time as the 39th President of the United States to his global humanitarian efforts, Jimmy Carter's legacy is one that honors God and country.

Lauren Daigle Returns to the ‘American Idol’ Stage That Rejected Her to Sing Multi-Platinum Hit “Look Up, Child”

Lauren Daigle returned to 'American Idol' to perform her hit song "Look Up, Child" for millions of fans—some in the audience and some watching from home.