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I felt like I had a teen mom logo stamped on my forehead. I do remember coming home from school one day and an adoption counselor was there to discuss adoption. My mom had arranged it because everyone believed that was the best option for me.

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“It’s Like the Mullet of Swimwear”: Mom’s Hilarious Bikini Blunder Has the Internet Roaring in Laughter

‘Listen Mary Kate and Ashley,’ I told them, tugging them apart, ‘I’m 38 and I’ve had—and fed—four babies. I’m gonna need you guys to say your goodbyes and be prepared to send letters because you ain’t gonna be anywhere near each other for the next few hours. [Heck], you better hope I don’t lay on my back because if I do you will fall into my armpits along with the rest of my biology and we might never see you again.’

[irp posts=”67888″ name=”Husband Hilariously Edits Wife’s “Instruction” List for 3-Month-Old Son—& It. Is. PRICELESS.”]

And the high rise bottom? Think going outside in your granny panties you save for the end of the laundry cycle. It cut right at the belly button so half was in and half was out and instead of an innie or an outie I had a halfie that couldn’t help but catch your eye, like the evil eye of Suaron but a little less inflamed.

Wearing this style bottom is like encasing half a sausage and then just giving up, letting the other half flop around into whatever shape it feels like depending on which direction the wind is blowing and how much gluten I had for dinner last night.

Why is this so hard, I wondered, tugging and adjusting and sucking in and praying. We are doing something wrong, ladies, I said not just to MK and A but to all of us, everywhere. My husband has had the same one pair of swimming trunks longer than we have had 3/4 of our children. You don’t see him riding this struggle bus.


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And I did what I should have done all along. I pulled out my old faithful one piece with the sagged out middle and dragged my pilly butt seaside and took one look at the majesty of the ocean and remembered: God/Mom/Mary don’t make no mistakes.

Except maybe that bathing suit. That was a disaster.”

If this got a giggle out of you too, be sure to SHARE Liz’s story with your friends on Facebook!

Kelsey Straeter
Kelsey Straeter
Kelsey is an editor at Outreach. She’s passionate about fear fighting, freedom writing, and the pursuit of excellence in the name of crucifying perfectionism. Glitter is her favorite color, 2nd only to pink, and 3rd only to pink glitter.

“I Was 15 Years Old & 7 Months Pregnant. No One Knew”: Scared Teen Mom Puts Daughter Up for Adoption, Says ‘I Can See...

I felt like I had a teen mom logo stamped on my forehead. I do remember coming home from school one day and an adoption counselor was there to discuss adoption. My mom had arranged it because everyone believed that was the best option for me.

It ‘Could Happen to Anyone’s Child’—Two Remarkable Women Fight Against Porn Sites and Thier Victims

The stories just seem to get worse and worse. Read how a former OnlyFans recruiter and an activist against human trafficking are fighting against porn as a big business and calling for a shut down of Pornhub.

41 Good Night Quotes to End the Day with Peace and Positivity

End your day with peace and positivity using these 41 good night quotes. Perfect for a calm, reflective evening and sharing with loved ones.