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My Netflix Had No Chill

Let me tell you a story:

A girl comes home after a long day. She sets her things down, throws her hair up and changes into comfy clothes in record time. Breathing a deep sigh of relief from taking off that chest cage called bra and changing out of those feet shackles called heels, she grabs her laptop and flips it open. The screen illuminates, showing the last webpage she visited: Netflix.

The familiar words appear on the screen.

Playback Timed Out. 

Her muscle memory kicks in and she hits ‘refresh’ as the episode she fell asleep on continues, right where she left off.

This is how she spends her evening. Maybe she eats, maybe she showers, maybe she talks to some people. But at any given moment, and especially in bed getting ready to fall asleep, she is watching Netflix.

The end.

Now, let me tell you a secret:

That girl was me.

For months, that girl was me. Don’t get me wrong; I certainly wasn’t ALL loser. I had a social life, I had friends, I even had a boyfriend.

But when people asked what my “hobbies” were, I had to lie by deflection. I said things like, “Oh, I enjoy reading. I write sometimes. I love the outdoors!” Because I certainly couldn’t tell them, “I literally spend all of my free time watching The Office on Netflix.”

Here’s the thing: Netflix was my escape from life, from stress, from feelings and from people. I used the shows I watched on Netflix to keep fear and depression at bay. If I was watching Netflix, nothing could hurt me.

I know that sounds extreme because it was extreme. Netflix was my therapy, my shield, my safety. I couldn’t even go in the kitchen to make food without bringing Netflix with me to play in the background while I cooked.

That was my reality. But it wasn’t that I was a lazy bum without anything better to do. It was that at the root of my incessant Netflix binge, something was terribly wrong. Something was awry in my heart, and it caused fear and depression to hover over me like an individualized dark rain cloud, and Netflix was my perpetual umbrella.

Then, something happened.

The Lord got a hold of me. I found myself at a place where everything I held dearest was slipping through my fingers: my future, my plans, my pride, my love. For a long time, I knew I needed to turn back to Him and finally listen to His voice. He had been whispering into my soul, like a parent whispers too closely in a child’s ear when chastising at a dinner table, and the whisper makes them flinch and squirm because it tickles, but not in a funny way. I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

“My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor detest His correction; for whom the Lord loves, He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.” Proverbs 3:11-12.

Tiffany Rogers
Tiffany Rogers
Tiffany Rogers is a writer and blogger from Tulsa, Oklahoma with a degree in Journalism from Oral Roberts University. She shares her honest and vulnerable experiences on her website, tiffanyrogers.co. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram (@tiffrogersmex) and Twitter (@tiffrogers7)

12-Year-Old Girl Dies by Suicide After Being Relentlessly Bullied and Harassed at School

After facing relentless bullying and harassment over the past school year, 12-year-old Flora Martinez ended her life on May 7. Now, her parents are demanding change from schools and administrators after the bullying persisted, even once she was gone.

One Year After 26-Year-Old Wife Dies of Cancer, Husband Finds Redeeming Love After Loss With Young Widow

After his wife Maddy died of cancer at just 26 years old, Chandler David Smith was left grieving an unimaginable loss and navigating what it looked like to be a single dad. In his grief, he found new and beautiful love with a young widow and mother of three.

Florida ‘Safe Haven’ Baby Graduates High School, Reunites With Firefighters Who Received Her 18 Years Ago

Eighteen years ago, when she was just one day old, a baby named Colleen was surrendered at a “Safe Haven” box in Clermont, Florida. Now, as she successfully graduates high school, Colleen is reuniting with the firefighters who were with her on that fateful day 18 years ago.