By Rhonda Stalb
Have you ever had trouble achieving sexual intimacy with your spouse? I’ve been carrying around a secret struggle for a while. It’s been happening in my marriage more than I care to admit. This hurts because there are times when our body parts don’t respond to stimulation.
And with that, comes rejection and shame. Then we argue because rejection and shame are two major triggers for me, and my husband is extremely frustrated with the whole mess. Which causes us to want to throw up our hands and give up on sex, but we can’t do that!
Plus, the issue drives us both mad because…here we are…a married couple working hard together to do the right things to honor God and each other, and the sex thing is just not working for us.
We’ve tried everything from supplements to medications to help this situation improve and so far it has been trial and error. Truthfully, we’ve had full intercourse only a handful of times in five years.
How come others, who choose to have sex outside the boundaries of marriage, can successfully have sex and we can’t?! It just doesn’t make any sense and it’s completely unfair!
Also, it’s painful and embarrassing to feel unwanted, even if your spouse is not really rejecting you sexually. Physical responses may not be successful, but there is no malice or real rejection if you really love each other.
But I can understand how it can be perceived that way because when intimacy is absent, we are shoved violently into a pit of loneliness and despair.
It is beyond frustrating because we love each other like crazy. All we want to do is express our love to one another. Is that too much to ask?
The outward demonstration to create the unity and oneness of biblical marriage is sexual intercourse (Genesis 2:24-25), and when there is a lack of it, an emptiness and longing can occur.
This is a scary place to be! When sexual needs in the marriage relationship are not met, temptations to get those needs met outside the marriage become evident quickly.
When temptations enter your mind, confess them to God and your spouse, then drop to your knees to pray immediately! I speak from experience.
