My daughter was in the PICU on life support for an entire month. I stayed by her side as much as I could. I slept in a chair next to her bed almost every night. I had people come to sit with her so I could go to work because I still had bills to pay as the only provider. It was a struggle. She continued getting better. She stayed in the hospital for 89 days. After many ups and downs, she was discharged. I remember feeling such freedom walking out of that hospital.
My daughter survived. I survived. We persevered and we were finally free. After that long of a hospital stay, we had to start over with her medications and private duty nursing care. It was such a stressful time. I was still trying to work in the middle of all the chaos as well. Things finally began to settle down. I thought back to how I was complaining three months before about having to stay at home all of the time because of my daughter. I had a new perspective. It took me not being able to go home for three months to realize how blessed I was.
I can look back now at my journey and see all of the many blessings in the middle of my trials. The trials I lived through have completely changed my life for the better. I still struggle daily, and continue to go through trials, but they get easier to handle. My experiences have grown me in a way that only they could accomplish. My faith has grown through all of this and I am so thankful.
When I was down to nothing, God was up to something.
I couldn’t see that in the moment, but every single time I could look back and see it after the trial was over. Do I wish things were different sometimes? Do I have bad days where I become exhausted and cry? Do I get down when I see other toddlers who are doing so much more than my daughter? Yes. When I do, I pray, I write about it, and I give it to God. He lifts the weight from my shoulders, puts a peace in my heart that only He can give, and holds me until I’m done crying. Without God, I couldn’t handle this. He is my strength, my refuge, my hope, my peace, and He will continue to carry me through this journey I am on.
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A Tragic End to Christa’s Life
In October 2020, Christa passed away. She spent three years battling her injuries from being shaken as an infant. Christa’s mom, Sierra, shares a transparent message about grief.
**This story originally appeared on the Single Mommin’ It blog. Used with permission.