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3 Ways to Fight for Your Marriage When You’re Tempted to Throw in the Towel

"People were placing bets at our wedding. Nobody thought we had a chance."

How to Deal With a Lying Husband and Get a Better Marriage

"I can still remember vividly the look on my husband’s face as regretful tears fell and he lay broken before me."

One Year After “I Do,” Husband Realizes Why Marriage Isn’t for Him

They met when they were 15 and were best friends for 10 years—but after being married just 1 year, the truth hit him HARD.

The Silent Marriage Killer More Deadly Than Sex & Money—I Wasn’t Ready for This…

EXPECTATION

When I come home from a long day at work, I EXPECT my wife to have dinner prepared and ready for us to sit down and eat as a family. She’ll be wearing an apron with no food stains on it (because she’s perfect like that) and her hair will be perfectly done up. Meanwhile, my 16-month old daughter will sit in her high chair and eat with utensils…never missing her mouth, which makes cleanup a breeze. After we all finish eating at exactly the same time, we’ll head out into the Colorado sun and go for a nice family stroll, while the butler (you read that right…BUTLER son) cleans up the kitchen and prepares our home for evening activities.

OBSERVATION

I come home from work thirty minutes late, and dinner hasn’t even been thought of…much less started. Because of this, my toddler is screaming her head off, signing “MORE! PLEASE! EAT!” When I search for my wife, I find her working on a design project trying to meet a deadline that’s technically already past due. When I ask what’s for dinner, she glares at me the way only an overworked, overtired work-from-home-momma can glare (it can scald your pupils…so the legend goes). After picking up my toddler, I make my way into the kitchen to find an abundance of NO GROCERIES. So, being the manly chef that I am, I set my eyes on cheese and bread. “Grilled cheese!” I exclaim. I put my daughter in her high chair as an influx of rage bursts from within her. I quickly grab the applesauce pouch to appease her. It works…for now. I get to work on my grilled cheese sandwiches. Everyone eats. The kitchen is left a mess. Toys are scattered throughout the living room just waiting to break someone’s ankle. My wife and I collapse on the couch, avoiding eye contact and avoiding volunteering to clean the kitchen. I could keep going but…you get the picture.

FRUSTRATION = The difference between the two.

Quite an elaborate illustration, I know. But I’m trying to paint the picture of what our expectations can be like versus what life is actually like…what we observe. (DISCLAIMER: In no way was that illustration indicative of my actual life. It’s either not true at all, or highly exaggerated…or spot on. The jury’s still out.)

Antonio Banderas says it best,

“Expectation is the mother of all frustration.”

The fact of the matter is this: In life, we often have expectations that go unmet, and we’re often frustrated because of it.

But we don’t HAVE to be.

Here’s the answer: Let your OBSERVATION take precedence over your EXPECTATION. Period.

In other words, go with the flow.

Derek Harvey
Derek Harveyhttp://derekharvey.me
Derek lives in Portland, Oregon with his beautiful wife, Tessa, and daughter, Journey. In addition to his love for music, exploring and lots of strong coffee, Derek seeks to create better stories and experiences for people and leaders. Read more of his work at derekharvey.me.

3 Ways to Fight for Your Marriage When You’re Tempted to Throw in the Towel

"People were placing bets at our wedding. Nobody thought we had a chance."

How to Deal With a Lying Husband and Get a Better Marriage

"I can still remember vividly the look on my husband’s face as regretful tears fell and he lay broken before me."

One Year After “I Do,” Husband Realizes Why Marriage Isn’t for Him

They met when they were 15 and were best friends for 10 years—but after being married just 1 year, the truth hit him HARD.