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To the Wife With Sky-High Expectations

To the wife with high expectations,

Just kidding, I am writing this to myself, but feel free to join me if this is something you struggle with. I expect a lot. I have an idea in my mind of what I want and I hold on dearly to it. Maybe my imagination gets the best of me most days, but I really want a marriage that is full of romance and adventure. I want to be pursued and cherished and I want to be loved beyond all reason. Did you notice how many times the word “I” was used in those last few sentences?

Let’s get the most important and obvious thing out of the way first: I am loved beyond all reason by God, and have all I need in Him. Expecting that from my spouse is kind of asking a lot. Still, we all have a need to feel loved by those with skin on. But maybe it’s more about giving than receiving.

I was doing the dishes and listening to my music shuffling on the speakers in the kitchen. The song, “Unconditionally” came on, by Katy Perry. Now, far be it from me to attach biblical truths to pop songs on the radio, but this song sort of hit me hard. I know, that sounds kind of cheesy, but this is why. She wasn’t singing her heart out about being loved unconditionally. She was singing about loving unconditionally. I stood there with tears falling into the soapy sink and I swear I heard my selfish expectations clinking onto the floor.

I’ll take the bad days with your good, walk through the storm I would…I do it all because I love you…I love you…

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I felt a thought settle softly into my mind as I scrubbed that plate. I can only control half of this equation. I can’t expect some specific kind display of affection that measures up to my wants, and then complain when it doesn’t happen. Maybe my husband has his own unspoken hopes of being loved in a certain way. Maybe I am a bit too self-focused. Maybe I expect more than I offer.

Michelle Lindsey
Michelle Lindsey
Michelle Lindsey is a Jesus-loving wife of more than two decades and a homeschooling mom of four who blogs about what happens when romance meets reality (with her adult daughter!) at Nitty Gritty Love. You can find more Nitty Gritty Love on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram.

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