While driving the other day I noticed a bumper sticker at a red light that said,
“Don’t believe everything you think.”
So true. I could save myself a lot of trouble by adhering to those five words. How often do we create reality out of our thoughts? If we behave as though these thoughts are actually true, we can make ourselves miserable.
We can scare ourselves silly.
When I was seven, I had a reoccurring dream that a lion sat on my couch each night. When I would go get a drink of water, it would stare at me as I walked down the hallway. It never pounced or attacked, but it was frightening to me. On nights when I was awake and thirsty, I would sit in my bed feeling terrified to get a drink of water. Sometimes I would refuse to go to the kitchen because I knew that [the] lion would be in my living room. There were nights when I gained enough courage to fly down the hallway and run to the faucet in a frantic hurry. I would fill my cup and then sprint back to my bed, spilling my water everywhere, and quickly jump onto the mattress in case the lion had decided to hide under my bed. I looked like a crazy girl. I wasn’t crazy, I just believed my own thoughts.
I still believe lies. I often freak out and waste time and energy running from imaginary lions. There are real things in life that are plenty scary, so why do I add pain by worrying about things that just aren’t true? When it comes to marriage, there are three big lies that come to mind. They stare us down and cause us to second guess things. I have whispered these lies to myself, and I have heard them from others. A lot.
1. If my spouse would just change, I would be happier.
We all think it. We look across the room at our spouse and wonder why he won’t shape up.
It’s easy to blame our sadness and broken expectations on our spouse. When our hopes are dashed against the rocks, we tend to get really bummed out. I doubt you had childhood dreams that included fighting, anger, and bitterness in your future marriage.
You were pretty certain Prince Charming rode a white horse, not a lawn mower while drinking a beer. Sleeping Beauty gets woken up by a kiss, not by snoring and gas being passed on her leg. And Mr. Darcy exists only between the pages of a book. If your husband is exactly like Mr. Darcy, then you are possibly delusional, in denial, or really blessed.
Reality is sort of surprising, isn’t it? Even at his finest moments, your husband is not able to make you happy in every area. But, there isn’t a human walking on this earth who can do that. The quicker we understand that our spouse isn’t our all in all, the better. Instead of expecting your guy to change, try to love the person he is becoming. (It’s called faith.) Jesus is better than the worst spouse and he’s better than the best spouse.
2. I am failing my family.
Yes, you are. You fail, I fail, we all fail — and that is why we so desperately need a Savior. Your husband, your children, your extended family need more than you can give.