Relationships

Infidelity Does Not Require 2 People to Have Sex

emotional affair
  1. Your spouse starts spending lots more time at work.

Even in today’s internet age, a significant number of affairs still happen in the workplace. While every change in your spouse’s working hours doesn’t necessarily mean that s/he is enjoying a little “bonus time” with a co-worker, it can be a sign that you have problems at home.

  1. Your spouse starts spending way more time on the computer.

With today’s technology, you can have an affair without ever leaving the house. If your spouse starts spending more time on the computer for no apparent reason, you may want to pay attention. That’s especially true if your spouse doesn’t want you “bothering him/her” while s/he’s on the computer.

  1. Your spouse is spending a lot of time with someone other than you.

 If your spouse is spending more time with anyone other than you, that’s never a good sign. While your spouse may need to work closely with a co-worker or colleague, when s/he starts spending a significant amount of his/her free time either talking to or being with that co-worker or colleague, that’s a big red flag that their relationship may have gotten a little too close.

  1. Your spouse talks a lot about his/her “friend.”

 If your spouse starts sharing a lot of stories about his/her “friend,” especially stories that are very personal, it may be time for you to go, “Hmmm.” One of the hallmarks of an emotional affair is sharing stories with your “friend” that you normally would share with your spouse. If you find that your spouse seems to know a whole lot about his/her friend, you can bet that your spouse has spent a significant amount of time talking to that friend.

  1. Your spouse stops talking about his/her “friend” altogether.

Sharing too much about “a friend” isn’t the only signal that your spouse’s relationship with that “friend” has crossed a line. Your spouse’s radio silence about someone that s/he used to mention can also be just as telling.

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5 Things to Do When You Think Your Spouse is Having an Emotional Affair

  1. Talk to Your Spouse About His/Her Relationship

Telling your spouse that you think s/he is a little too close to his/her “friend” seems like the obvious way to address your issues. The problem is, that conversation may not go the way you think.

Often, spouses who are involved in emotional affairs don’t think they’re doing anything wrong. Because they’ve never touched the other person, they don’t feel like they’ve cheated.

Rather than going [10] rounds with your spouse about whether his/her new relationship is really “cheating,” focus on how their relationship is making you feel. Let your spouse know how deeply his/her behavior is hurting you. That alone should change the conversation from one of accusation and blame (“You’re cheating!”) into something more constructive.

(NOTE: This may not happen in one conversation. It may take several conversations before your spouse realizes how much his/her relationship has hurt you. That having been said, if you’ve tried having this conversation many times, and you’re still getting nowhere, you might want to go to #2.)

Karen Covy
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Karen Covy is a divorce advisor, attorney, consultant and coach who is committed to helping couples resolve their disputes as amicably and efficiently as possible. She is the author of When Happily Ever After Ends: How to Survive Your Divorce Emotionally, Financially, and Legally. Karen has been featured on the Channel 7 News, WCIU You and Me This Morning, WGN Radio, MarketWatch and on numerous radio shows and podcasts. You can find more of Karen’s articles on relationships and divorce at karencovy.com.

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