We asked ourselves:
- Should we press on with parenting techniques that have served us well for so many years?
- In the face of so many challenges, which problems should we focus on first?
- Is it okay to accept behaviors we’ve never allowed in our home before?
- Should we read more books on adoption?
- Should we call somebody?
- Should we stay quiet and hope that nobody will notice we’re falling apart?
- What should we do?
We didn’t know the answers, but one thing we did know: we were no longer the parents we used to be and as all of our children struggled, we no longer felt like “good parents” at all.
It’s painful for me to admit, but the struggles I had with one of my children reduced me to a person I did not even recognize.
My heart, which had once been so tender, was quickly hardening as I attempted to hold my family together. I had thoughts that were so foreign to me that I could not even confess them to my husband. I wanted to escape this life we had willingly chosen, which made the guilt even greater.
My identity of being a “good mom” was stripped from me as I struggled simply to get through each hour. The day finally came when we sought professional help for our family and had to trust others to help us find our way. Hope was planted in our hearts and we have not looked back.
As we travel the long and winding road of healing, I’ve had to redefine what I believe a “good mom” is. I accept that because I fiercely love all of my children, I must parent them differently.
What I once held as my standard of “good mothering” no longer fits. I grieve these losses, I really do, and I miss the simple days when I thought I knew what it took to be a “good mom.” I now have the privilege of knowing many “good moms” who are being reshaped by their experiences of parenting children from “hard places.”
We aren’t the women we used to be, but we are the women God is calling us to become.
He is shaping us through trial and triumph. He is calling us to lay down our lives for the sake of our children and in doing so, I pray that He is making us more like Him.
Question: Have you struggled to believe that you are a good parent? Share your story with us in the comment section below.
**This post appeared originally on Confessions of an Adoptive Parent.