What’s Really Left in Marriage After the “Newness” Wears Off

He knows me.

I don’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing, and if I do, by chance, we have that deep, unconditional love that forgives easily, understands much, and builds itself upon years of missteps, mistakes, and lessons learned in making one another happy.

I won’t lie. First kisses are phenomenal, that newness is magical and I still remember ours, but there’s also something special and divine about falling into the familiar arms of the one you’ve built a life with. It’s like years of embraces have carved out a special place in their chest where your head fits just right, and when you lay your ear there the familiar lub-dub of their heartbeat is like they’re playing your song. Is there any better sleep than on the chest of your longtime love? After all, it’s ok if you slobber. In fact, it’s expected.

He knows me.

I think perhaps adulterous partners looking elsewhere for love have it all wrong. Love isn’t found in something newer and better. It’s found in the comfortable places that fit like your most luxurious pajamas. It’s not comfortable because of fear of change, no. It’s comfortable because to know someone over a span of years is the best kind of love. It’s an honest love, a sustaining affection, an unconditional romance story told by two lives who intertwine so deeply and completely that no thing could break the cord they have consummated not just once, but untold times over the years.

Love doesn’t come easy. The first couple of years are just the beginning of getting to know one another. They’re the prelude to magic, a majestic show that can titillate your senses. The real excitement comes with receiving love from someone even when they’ve seen you at your worst. It’s still being found sexy after 40, three pregnancies, and six years of breastfeeding. It’s still being adored even through hormonal changes that make you insufferable and slightly crazy. It’s still being attracted to someone after the newness fades, and discovering you find them even more attractive than the first time you met. It’s watching your husband love your children and [think] they’ve never looked so handsome. It’s growing up together, growing old together, and growing as individuals while together.

He knows me.

While it’s special and exciting getting to know someone new, I’ve come to discover the best part of a relationship is when they know you. Like, really know you. Know every single part of you. That’s when you truly discover love.