When You Think Your Daughter Is Marrying the Wrong Guy

permission to marry

My daughter is getting married. When she showed me her engagement ring, I would love to tell you, I was jumping for joy in excitement. But the truth is… I wasn’t.

In fact, when I heard of the proposal, I got tears of sadness. This wasn’t the man I envisioned for my daughter. Their dating history wasn’t favorable in my eyes and he was rude and disrespectful to me in my own home to the point where we became those parents who closed the door and locked it with a dozen deadbolts.

When we finally unlocked all the deadbolts and welcomed this young man back into our home, my husband was approached with the question of “Do I have your permission to marry your daughter?” He was caught off guard. This wasn’t something we were expecting. This was a huge step for this young man. He was asking for our daughter’s hand in marriage, taking that leap of faith, knowing he was not favored in our eyes but yet followed through with the courage to do so.

Permission? I think about that question a lot. My in-laws didn’t have permission, so they ran off and eloped. They’ve been married for almost 50 years now, love each other dearly, and I’m sure the lack of permission still holds a bit of a grudge in the family. I also think about how my mother would have given my ex-boyfriend permission to marry me. She didn’t know the insides of our relationship. He was a drug addict, abusive and had a lot of issues. He would not have been a good choice for me, but I already knew that. I believe that the Holy Spirit tells us what our answer is. Deep down we know what the right answer is. The hard part is choosing whether or not we accept what the Holy Spirit told us.

My husband could have instantly said “No.” However, being more level-headed than I (Shh don’t tell him I said that), he didn’t go that route. He didn’t want them to run off or have hard feelings with a decision based on our emotions.

Become A Contributor

Therefore while talking with him, he explained what the requirement would be in order for him to have his permission.

The requirement isn’t simple. “Love her like God loves us.”

God’s love is unconditional. There is nothing he won’t forgive us on. HIS love is undeserved. He loves us in spite of our weakness, selfishness, and sin. He loved us so much to provide a way to an abundant, eternal life with his son Jesus.

Can he love her that way? After I put my emotions to the side, I started thinking about my daughter’s relationship and that question. Do they love each other like God loves us? In their 5 years of dating, they’ve had one heck of a roller coaster ride. So many ups and downs, front and back flips, you name it. But each time they’ve reached the end of the ride… they’ve forgiven each other, loved each other unconditionally.

It’s easier to see the ‘right guy’ when you look at him the way God does.

We’re excited to plan this wedding. We’re already talking about my daughter wearing and altering my wedding dress, getting save the dates from Minted.Com and places for the reception. Being a young mom in my 40’s, I don’t have a lot of friends planning their daughter’s wedding; in fact, they’re still having babies. It’s an unfamiliar territory, and I can’t wait to share this journey with you.

**This post was written by Gina of Mom’s Lifeboat and originally appeared on her website. See more from Gina on her blog and Facebook

Posted By