I woke up lazily yesterday morning, stretching, and taking in the sunshine that pressed against my bedroom blinds. Almost immediately I noticed the ebb of anxiety that flowed beneath the surface, and I realized I was worrying about something, although I could not tell you what. I did that sometimes. It’s like my human nature just yearned to be concerned over something or another, and it drove me crazy, to be quite honest. I hated feeling anxious, and as a Christian it made me feel lacking. I mean, shouldn’t my faith in God keep these feelings better at bay?
As I went into the living room for coffee and quiet time the Lord immediately began speaking to me through His Word about my worry, and something He had [spoken] just a few days earlier came again to mind.
From John 11, “I am… Do you believe this?”
The words of Jesus that day had echoed off the pages and into my spirit. You see, I had a problem that was causing me great concern. It wasn’t an imaginary problem, or a “what if” like I was prone to worry about. It was a legitimate issue. I had planned on taking two weeks off in between Travel Nurse jobs. The thing was two weeks was my max due to financial constraints. In other words, I couldn’t afford more than two weeks off. I had accepted a contract date that gave me that two-week vacation, but shortly after signing the dotted line had found out that dates discussed had been incorrectly communicated. The hospital couldn’t take me on for three weeks! It may seem like just an extra week, and in essence it was, but I was still worried if it would hurt us financially to take the extra time off. In the end, my husband and I decided to go forward with the job, accept the three weeks off, and trust the Lord to provide for our financial needs.
Saying you’re letting go and letting God is one thing, but not worrying about it is another. So as I found myself unintentionally worrying the Lord spoke those words to me.
I am. Do you believe it?
I repeated them like a mantra. Then, “yes,” I answered. “I do believe.”
