 may still be single, and a few refutations of common excuses we make for it.){kind=link}
“There’s just no good options in my life right now…”
“I’m just waiting for the right one to come along…”
“When God’s timing is right, He will bring the right one to me…”
I begin by admitting that I’ve had each of these thoughts, and billions of others, at various times in my life. The past 9 years have basically been an extended experiment in singleness, though not for lack of trying. I’m a relatively bold and forward man when it comes to dating, though it hasn’t always been this way, nor have I refined the ‘techniques’ (for lack of a better word) for finding my spouse. But I’m getting there! And simply by looking at some of the attitudes and actions of many people I know, I see patterns which reveal why many of us are still single, despite a desire to be married or in a relationship.
So, without further ado, here are a few thoughts and observations on why you (or that perpetually lonesome friend of yours) may still be single, and a few refutations of common excuses we make for it.
“There’s just no good guys or girls around/They’ve all been taken/I don’t meet anyone new!”
While this may be true for 3 percent of the population who live in small towns, the majority of us, if we’re honest, don’t have this excuse to fall on. Without realizing it, we have a pattern or routine in our lives which generally dictates exactly who we will encounter throughout our days and weeks.
You work somewhere and depending on where that is and what you do, you probably know everyone where you work. You see familiar faces at the gym and the grocery store. Your church, depending on several factors, seems to always come up dry as well.
And yet, you travel through roughly the same routine every week without changing anything…and expect something to change! For a dashing new man to walk through the door of your church, or a ravishing young woman to get hired at your job. Not that these things never happen, because of course, they do, but why not take things into your own hands? Why not make small adjustments to your routine?
Go to a different coffee shop or a new grocery store. Sign up for a class where people who have the same interests as you will gather. Check out a new church (honestly…just to scope out the prospects. Been there, done that…) or go to a party you’d normally say ‘no’ to.
Unless you are actually in a tiny town where all the inhabitants know each other, there’s a good chance there are plenty of fish in your sea, you’ve just missed them by falling into your routine. So mix it up! Do things you normally wouldn’t. If you spend all your Friday nights playing board games at Vicky’s apartment, how do you possibly expect to meet new people there?
Of course, if all these options fail, call upon technology to save you from your singleness. The stigma seems to be fading regarding dating apps and websites. Don’t count them out just because of the awkwardness, or the embarrassment of having to tell people you met online.
How to meet new people
I admit that I’m a freak of nature. An ‘extroverted-extrovert’ who not only enjoys being around people all the time, but even meeting new people! So, this step is relatively easy for me, but I recognize that’s not the case for many of you.
So, you’ve signed up for a class or shown up at a party where you don’t really know anyone. Now what?
As someone who actually walks up to people and starts a conversation, I can say that there are clear signs that someone actually wants to chat and be open to meeting new people.