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To the Wife Who Married a Self-Centered, Insensitive Jerk

Dear wife who’s married to a jerk,

Nitty Gritty Love is a conversation. So when we hear the same feedback from readers, I want to address it.

We spend a lot of time here encouraging women, and we are equally encouraged, but when we get this question, I will admit, I sink a little inside.

What if I’m married to a jerk?

It seems some people want us to throw our hands up in the air and say, “Alright. You got us. You are correct. Divorce that creep.”

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But you will never hear us say that, even though it is tempting. Why? Because we believe marriage is a reflection of Christ’s love for the church, and Jesus isn’t going to divorce us for being jerks. If He did, we would all be left high and dry. His love for us is amazing and relentless, it’s almost too hard to believe. But I do feel for people who are unhappy and lonely and discouraged because it’s sad. By no means are we trying to be calloused or unfeeling. We started this blog because we care about marriages and want to support other wives and encourage them by sharing our own experiences. We are not professionals, but we are married, so we can relate with [to] each other.

That said, if you are married to an insensitive jerk who isn’t kind, won’t keep a job, plays video games all the time, and is basically rude and uncaring, I’m sorry. I really and truly mean that. I didn’t make that description up. We hear about that guy every week from angry wives who are ready to give up. It makes me mad and I wish I could tell him off for you.

Instead, I spend hours and hours writing to faceless people, hoping that just a handful will snap out of it and start treating their spouse as a gift. Because that is what a wife, and a husband, is. A GIFT. You are not OWED a spouse, so if one has agreed to spend their life with you, be thankful! Yes, the thankfulness should go both ways. In a perfect world it would, but as we know, this world is not perfect.

Maybe your husband missed that memo. Maybe he is self-centered and you can’t even stand looking at his face. Maybe you are on the brink and can’t take another day. If your spouse feels more like a cruel joke than anything else, then you have a longer, tougher road. You do. But it’s not hopeless. With Christ, all things are possible. I have seen marriages transformed, and let me tell you, it never gets old witnessing changed lives.

Michelle Lindsey
Michelle Lindsey
Michelle Lindsey is a Jesus-loving wife of more than two decades and a homeschooling mom of four who blogs about what happens when romance meets reality (with her adult daughter!) at Nitty Gritty Love. You can find more Nitty Gritty Love on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram.

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