I cried. And I cried. And I cried some more. Then we celebrated. I know for certain the principal thinks I’m a lunatic. I immediately started the ugly cry and told him, ‘You just don’t understand! You just don’t know what we’ve been through to get to this place!’ He responded by thanking me for being a wonderful parent. But ya know… nothing in me feels like a wonderful parent. Don’t we all feel like we’re failing our kids? Don’t we all doubt every single decision we make regarding their lives? Don’t we all just hold onto to any bit of hope that somehow beauty will rise from the messes we make?
I don’t know the places you find yourself in today. You might feel like you know what you need. You might feel like you don’t have a clue what you need right now. Either way, God knows far better than we do. You might need rescue. You might need rescue from yourself just like I did. You might need rescue from that person or thing. He might be calling you to something that seems impossible. Something you can’t possibly see how beauty will rise from all of the ashes that lay on the floor from what was. Something you can’t understand his reasoning in. Maybe it’s something you don’t even want. While I can’t promise you it will be easy now or easy ever, I can promise you that life will never be found going your own way. If you trust Him, you will wake up one day and you will look back through your pages and you will see the beautiful leading of God rescuing you from yourself and from what you thought you wanted and needed. You will find yourself in a place you couldn’t have ever imagined. You won’t feel worthy to be there but remember that you are. You couldn’t have imagined it because if we’re being honest, we never believed God was as big as He really is. And somehow, there will be a new page in your story. A page of how grateful you are for the mess and the unknown and the beautiful leading. Because when God gives gifts, He always gives the best kind of gifts. That thing you lost hope in, that thing you didn’t want, that thing that was hard and messy, that thing that scared you the most, it’s now your most treasured gift.
Trust Him.
Rest in Him.
I may not have chosen this story but it’s the story God chose for me and I am here for it.
I cannot believe I get to watch these boys grow, overcome, and work hard to pull themselves out of the pits of hell they found themselves in. I’m believing the best for their lives and this is just the beginning of all the things we’ll see them do. I know it.”
**This story was written by Amy Pollard of Gulfport, Mississippi and originally appeared on Love What Matters. Follow her journey on Instagram.