FACT: If your children can’t read by age four there is a 95 percent chance they will end up homeless and on drugs.
FACT: If your children eat any processed food there is an 85 percent chance they will contract a rare, most likely incurable disease, by age 12.
FACT: If you’re not up at dawn reading the Bible to your children, you are most likely a pagan caught in the clutches of witchcraft.
FACT: If your children watch more than 10 minutes of television a day there is 75 percent chance they will end up in a violent street gang by age 17.