While work ethic is proven to be one of the key factors for success in life; the struggle with children work ethic is one of the most common concerns voiced by parents, teachers, and professionals.
Below are concerns expressed by a mother of a 6-year-old boy, who came to get parenting advice from me last week:
“My son only wants to do whatever he wants. He avoids any activities that he perceives to be tedious or challenging. He does not show any interest in doing chores, puzzles, reading, drawing, or writing. Even getting dressed and going outside is becoming a challenge. When he starts an activity, he constantly asks for help, gets bored or frustrated, and gives up quickly. The report from his teachers shows that he does not put effort into his work or use problem-solving skills.”
Similar issues are being shared by many parents and are also evident in every classroom. Work ethic challenges are often associated with neurological conditions. However, I am most concerned with the sharp increase of these issues amongst typically developing children. These are the kids I am referring to in this blog.
Work ethic is similar to a muscle. It can be strengthened with proper training or weakened with misuse. The bad news is that kids’ work ethic is in a crisis and we, parents, have a lot to do with it. The good news is that with proper training you can improve your child’s work ethic.
Illusion: Many factors in modern parenting contribute to the crisis in kids’ work ethics. As parents, we bubble-wrap our kids and keep them in their comfort zone. In their minds, we have created an illusion that life is a picnic filled with immediate gratification and endless fun. We have made our kids believe that life is all about ‘me’ and about doing what “I want and whenever I want it”. Likewise, we have taught them that life is free of responsibilities and challenges as everything falls on their golden plate without lifting a finger. We have made them think that in life “everyone wins a trophy” regardless of his effort and “nothing is your fault.”
Reality: Why are we misleading our children? We are telling our kids a fairy tale. We are raising them for an artificial reality, not for the real world. Life is not a picnic. There is no magic wand, no golden plate, no endless fun. We all know that life is tough. Life is filled with tedious work, delayed gratification, challenges, and responsibilities. It is mostly about doing what is needed to get what is wanted. “Magic” mostly happens when we push ourselves outside of our comfort zone, work hard through challenges and boredom.
Outcomes: When bubble-wrapping our kids, we have the best intentions in mind to make them happy. Unfortunately, we make them happy at the moment, but miserable in the long term. Bubble-wrapping hinders the development of responsibility, independence, problem-solving, perseveration, and resilience. By doing so, we deprive them of developing the work ethic which is an essential building block for life’s success. With the best of intentions in mind, we are leaving our kids unprepared for real life.
