My wife and I fought a lot early in our marriage. My wife became increasingly emotional and hypersensitive. I became increasingly cold and insensitive. We had a shouting match almost every day about something.
Typically I could catch myself and turn my emotions off. I would wait for my wife to say something that was slightly irrational in my opinion, and I would pounce like a lion. She would usually just walk away in anger.
I would quickly try to reconcile, admitting to the one or two things I had done wrong. “I probably raised my voice a little.” Then I would proceed to list the seven or eight things she had done wrong. “I repent of my two sins. Now you repent of yours. Then we can forgive each other and move on.”
She would respond, “My emotions aren’t a light switch! I can’t just instantly forgive!”
I would answer, “I’m trying not to let the sun go down on anger. But you are still sinning.”
And so we rode the downward spiral.
Married to a Pharisee
After a year of fighting, we were both sick of our marriage. Both of us had said, “I don’t believe in divorce, but if I did . . . ”
One night she said, “Before we were married, I was confident. I liked myself and thought most people liked me. After a year of marriage to you, I feel like I have lost all self-esteem.”
For the first time, I saw a glimpse of just how Pharisaical I had been as a husband. I had not washed my bride with the water of God’s word. Rather, I had viciously attacked her in her weakness, using his word like a swift sword of justice. I also had downplayed my sin and excused my weaknesses.
