She went on to tell me his situation was definitely going to be one of permanency. ‘Are you willing to adopt if needed?,’ she asked. Let me remind you, adoption of him wasn’t my goal. It was just to give him a home until, ya know, the ‘other’ family God had for him became available. But I forgot about that plan and responded with a resounding ‘YES!’ Oh, and ‘where is he?? I’ll go get him now.’ She informed me I was required to make one visit with him to his orphanage before I could have him permanently. So, I loaded up my best friend and her son and we hit the road that weekend. We played hard, hugged him tight, and promised him we would be back for him soon. Within a week my boy was home.
I would be lying if I told you things from here out were a fairy tale. In fact, it was the opposite. Jeremy’s trauma runs deep. You see, there were many days Jeremy was locked in closets, left hoping he might get a snack or a sip of water for the day. There were many days he wasn’t sure if he would make it out alive from being so brutally beaten. I didn’t know what to do with all of his trauma. All I knew to do was to love him. To be available. To listen. To hold him. To be a mom.
The days were long and hard, and sometimes just flat out brutal. So much time off work was spent at his school begging his teachers to be patient with him. I often cried myself to sleep feeling like I wasn’t what he needed. It also wasn’t ever far from me that well-intended people, often ones that loved me, told me countless times, ‘maybe he would just be better with a family with a dad.’