To the Daughter Whose Father Won’t Love Her

Dear daughter whose father won’t love her,

I know it’s hard to understand how someone you love (even if they’ve hurt you), isn’t stepping up to be the person you thought they would be in your life. It’s painful. It can feel embarrassing. And it’s absolutely wrong of them to treat you that way.

It happened to me.

Many times, parents make excuses about why they can’t be there for their children. They can blame it on distance. Blame it on the other parent. Blame it on the child itself. But it’s the parent’s job to build a strong relationship with their child. It’s the parent’s job to return again and again to that child to make amends. Until the child reaches an age where they can decide for themselves.

It’s in no way your fault.

The sad truth is that many people in our lives will fail us. They will fall short. They will deny the calling they have to be a good parent. They will choose to take the easier road, the road removed from responsibility, not because of you — but because they can’t see past themselves. They have allowed their lives to become self-centered.

When they do that, I want you to know this: they are not being the person that God asked them to be in your life.

You were a gift to them. An incredible gift that God crafted with care. With so much love going into His dream of you, that you would have been a huge blessing in the lives that you touched. In your father’s refusal of you, he misses the blessing God intended on his life.

Don’t let it change you. Because although you feel like it’s out of your control and no one seems to make it right, God is in it with you.

“He did not retaliate when he was insulted, nor threaten revenge when he suffered. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.” 1 Peter 2:23 NLT

But it still hurts a lot, doesn’t it?

It’s a pain that others don’t seem to understand because they too cannot fathom a parent not loving their child. Now that I have children of my own, it’s even harder for me to believe that my own father could walk away from me. There’s no way on this earth that I could ever do that to my children. Remember that. Just because it was done to you, does not mean that you don’t have the power to change that in your family going forward.

“It’s because the child did what is fair and right. Since the child was careful to do what is lawful and right, the child will live truly and well. The soul that sins is the soul that dies. The child does not share the guilt of the parent, nor the parent the guilt of the child. If you live upright and well, you get the credit; if you live a wicked life, you’re guilty as charged.” Ezekiel 18:20 MSG

But, each time you feel that pain, I want you to remember what I’m about to say. I want you to lean in closely so that you get the full breadth of what I’m about to tell you. Because it’s revolutionary, and just me writing it and you reading it can start a change in your heart.

Even God is awestruck by the fact that someone could walk away from you.

Because God happily chooses to be your Father every single day.

He chooses you.

He puts you at the front of His mind.

He delights in you.

He smiles at the silly things you do.

He’s so hurt when you are hurt.