Encourage her, compliment her, tell her she’s doing a wonderful job at being a wife and mom — it will mean a lot to her. And not only that, but it will cause her to draw closer to you. Over time she’ll feel like she can be real with you, that she doesn’t have to have a perfectly clean house every time you come over, that she can share her struggles with you. The goal is for her to see you as a friend, not a critic.
The very best thing you can do for your relationship with your son is to have a great friendship with his wife. He may not tell you, and it may not seem like it, but he does care what you think. It makes him so happy to see you compliment and build up his wife — because that’s when you start seeing and appreciating her the way he sees and appreciates her.
Please, stop with the cutting remarks, with the hints at better ways to parent, with trying to change her heart. That’s a job for God. Instead, focus on forming a genuine friendship with her. Pray for her daily. Treat her as you’d treat one of your dearest friends. Be the kind of mother in law you would want. Bite your tongue if you have to, and be kind and encouraging every chance you get. Your relationship with her and your son (and your grandchildren/future grandchildren!) will be greatly blessed as a result of it.
With love,
Tayler
