Dear Parent With a Second Bed in Your Room: You’re Doing the Right Thing

Even after many years in our home, there’s a small voice inside of our children saying, “I’m afraid, I need you, tell me you’re there. Tell me you’re not going anywhere.”

Fellow foster or adoptive parent, if you have a second bed in your room, you’re doing the right thing. Attachment isn’t built by following a script, or bullet points in a book. Attachment is built by following your heart, and giving yourself completely to the child you have been called to love. That means traditional boundaries and parenting are out the door. That means a second bed on your floor, or another lamp shining all night long in the hallway. It may mean you don’t sleep through the night for a season, or 10.

This is the reality of parenting children from trauma. As hard as it is, you were called to do it, and you’ll succeed when you choose to create a home that accommodates this reality. In fact, as hard as it is to see, this choice will pay dividends in the future that are beautiful.

Every time I brush past a little foot, or trip over an arm hanging out from beneath some blankets on my bedroom floor, I smile. My heart fills up. I will never stop loving these babies I’ve been blessed with. I’ll never stop holding them through the hurricane of memories that haunt them in the night. I’ll never stop keeping a second bed in my room.

**This article originally appeared on Confessions of an Adoptive Parent.