I started reading and reading. Low sex drive. Hormones. Stress. It could be anything. But how would I change it? This went on for longer then I care to admit. He knew. We discussed it many, many times. The conversations always ended the same way. Let’s try to have more quality one-on-one time. Light candles. Play music. And it would work for a bit. And then back to the old slump. Until finally one night, right in the middle of it, I burst into tears and said that I didn’t want to do it anymore. Yes, that really happened as embarrassed as I am to admit. It was my breaking point. He suggested therapy. Individual. Marriage counseling. Anything he could do to help. I hate that I felt this way. I hate that I had my nervous breakdown. But in hindsight it was a good thing. As crazy as it sounds it brought us together. He realized that this really was a problem that I was dealing with internally. And he gave me the sexual space I needed.
Then, slowly I started making changes in my life. Not only did I have an overflowing plate full of responsibilities but I was a disorganized disaster. I thought about the layout of my day and the way I handled all of my responsibilities. How each thing I did had a direct affect on how I would react and feel. Little things. Maybe if I started making the bed and emptying the dishwasher in the morning I would feel ahead of the game. Ready to start the day. Instead of stumbling to the coffee pot when the kids wake up and driving carpool in my fuzzy socks. Little changes. Forcing myself to do a load of laundry each afternoon so I don’t have to spend 48 hours straight in the laundry room when I realize there’s no clean underwear in the house. Little things that are slowly making my life less stressful and making me feel more in control.
I started eating healthier. Going to the gym. Taking Joey for a walk around the neighborhood. And you know what? I lost 5 lbs! I’ve got a lot more to go but already I feel less bloated and more comfortable in my clothes. Putting all of these little changed together is making my responsibilities feel manageable and not stacked and overflowing off of my plate.
As for our sex life? It’s on the upswing. I don’t know that it will ever be what it was in our early 20s but that’s ok. We are on our way to getting our groove back. To a place we are both comfortable. I am lucky I have a husband who is so understanding. He may think I’m crazy sometimes but he keeps those opinions to himself. Here’s to hoping for a healthy sex drive in 2016. I’ll do whatever it takes to get there. Even if it means I have to make my bed in the mornings.
XO Danielle
By Danielle Gambino
**This post appeared originally on Mini’s Mama blog.
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