He went golfing last weekend; It’s my turn to do something fun.
The more I kept score, the more resentful I became. My own anger and self pity were taking away the joys of parenting, precious moments with my newborn baby. My husband and I were barely speaking; and when we did talk to each other, it quickly turned into a fight. We both spent so much time keeping score, throwing our sacrificial deeds in each other’s faces and demanding our expectations be met that we were missing out on having a relationship. We were missing out on enjoying the beautiful baby we had created together. Our family was falling apart, and we were to blame.
Rebuilding our relationship took time, effort and patience. We didn’t shred the score cards right away, but we were so desperate to let go of the thick wall of anger between us that we were willing to work. And we worked hard.
We learned to let go of expectations by asking ourselves each morning, “How can I be of service to my spouse today?” This simple thought shifted my entire perspective. Instead of looking at him with a critical eye and judging him for what he did or did not do for me, I was able to look at him with love. Pure, genuine, selfless love.
We now have three children and a pretty hectic life. We both spread ourselves very thin trying to be the best parents and spouses we can be. We are by no means perfect at it. Sometimes, the score cards come out. Our marriage ebbs and flows, but we are committing to a lifetime of continuous practice—practice that includes letting go of expectations so we can be of service.
Love through service is a pretty great way to love.