Josiah asked why I was packing up her things last night. I answered immediately from the depths of my heart: ‘I don’t know.’ But then I realized I had a responsibility to try to help my growing, curious 4-year-old grasp something that I still don’t quite understand myself: why can’t she stay? As I fumbled my way through an explanation about needing to go live and be together with her sisters…I could see the look of confusion on his face…’but we’re her brothers.’
My brain scrambled for another answer, but I blanked. So instead I changed the subject. ‘The good news is that Avonlea will be born soon and you’ll have another sister to play with! And you will be her big brother and she will always live with us.’
I could tell by the look on his face that my lame attempt at explaining things had failed to add up. It just doesn’t make sense. Not to him and…frankly…not to me, either.
The heartbreak is overwhelming me tonight. The tears just won’t stop. This first loss is more painful than I ever imagined it would be and something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. So the next time I see that all-too-familiar phone number pop up on my caller ID, asking if we are willing and able to open up our hearts and take in another child who needs us to sacrifice everything we have in order to love them for an undetermined amount of time…I already know what my answer will be.
Absolutely. Let’s do this. For 6 months or for forever…we’re in.”
Though she “lost the fight,” Amber is determined to win the war.
The gut-wrenching pain of her loss is not enough to stop her from lavishing another motherless child with lavender, Princess-and-the-Pea pillow talks and bear hugs overflowing with the purest unconditional love.
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May this mama’s warrior spirit infused with courageous vulnerability inspire the masses to do the same.
#FosterTheFamily❤️
