When we are younger, dating, and know everything, we are looking for certain things in a partner.
Obviously, someone we are sexually attracted to. Someone with a good sense of humor. Similar interests. A good job. Shared values.
Twenty-somethings don’t think about 15 years down the line. Babies, stress, snoring, weight gain, a mid-life crisis, money struggles, and literally having not one second to think, sit, or relax.
I have to laugh at what a good husband is to me now, after three kids, a mortgage, and nonstop chaos. You wouldn’t find any of these ‘traits’ on a dating profile. But they will matter eventually. Trust me.
This is love, attraction, and devotion all rolled into one.
A man who puts gas in my car without even telling me so when I start my car, the tank is full. That is literally the way to my heart. And I don’t mean just paying, I mean the act of taking my car to the gas station and filling it up.
A partner who changes diapers, slathers butt cream on a rash, gives baths, puts a wiggly baby in jammies, does night-time feedings, kisses boo-boos, and wipes boogers.
A partner who fills the coffee pot with water, grounds and sets the timer so it’s ready when I wake up in the morning.
Someone who slaps my butt when I walk by and tickles my sides even when I yell and swat back.
A partner who looks at your episiotomy incision, bloody nipples, ingrown hairs, and hemorrhoids. Because ain’t no friend gonna want to look at that…
A man who will always grab me a glass of water, soda, wine, refill on whatever. And he always puts ice in my drink. That to me is the sweetest thing.
A partner who sets up a giant movie screen in the backyard for the neighbor kids, drives way too many children around the neighborhood on a snowmobile, and invites the whole neighborhood over for a beer.
A man who straightens out our autistic son’s waistband on his underwear, smiles at his trains, even after the thousandth time, grinds up medications, demands a vocalization for a snack, attends every IEP meeting, makes phone calls, completes evaluations, and never gives up hope.
A partner who coaches hockey and baseball and who attends every single practice.
A man who remembers to grab a pocketful of Kleenex before he comes to the vet to say goodbye to our first baby. And not for himself, but for me.
A partner who snapchats you poop smeared on your wall with the caption, ‘Grab cleaner, your kid finally pooped! Yay!’ My response: ‘You’re doing Snapchat wrong.’
A man who understands the importance of a good nap.
A man who sits in the trenches with you, through the self-injuring, the screaming, the no sleep, the meltdowns, the hard days that turn into hard months and then years, and never leaves. Who looks at forever without running away.
I’d like to see the Tinder profile with all that listed…
**This story was written by KT Swenson and originally appeared on Love What Matters. Follow her journey on Facebook and Instagram.
