That one last high led to writing an obituary, planning a funeral and a house full of flowers from grieving friends and family.
That one last high left me going through her closet. Picking out a dress. Buying a cardigan of her favorite color for her to be buried in. I was careful to cut out the tags because I know she didn’t like the way they made her itch.
That one last high led me to going through countless pictures from her first breath til her last. Making memory boards and slideshows… trying to fit 18 sweet years into 10 minutes.
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That one last high led me to my knees in front of her casket at the viewing. Pleading with God to take me instead. Demanding him to rewind time. Yelling if he is so almighty why can’t he take it back.
Staring through a haze saying thank you for coming repeatedly and comforting her friends.
That one last high led us to the church at 11am. Where I watched her 15 year old brother help carry her coffin. Where I looked at her for the very last time. Where I wore a matching outfit to what she would be buried in. Where I leaned into her casket and kissed her cold lips and tucked her hair behind her ear one last time.
That one last high left me staring at her casket for an hour after everyone had left the graveside. Scared to leave my baby girl alone.
That one last high led to me sleeping on her grave so she didn’t have to be alone, contemplating suicide so I could hold her hand on her way to heaven.
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That one last high resulted in months of laying on the floor crying, clinging on to anything that reminded me of her or had her scent. Regretting not wrapping her In a blanket because I know she hates the cold.
That one last high has turned my hair white and added 10 years to my face.
That one last high has left empty days and dreaded nights. Mornings that turn into evenings with no memory of the day.
That one last high led me on a search for her ghost everywhere.
I am a broken mother because of one last high.
~Angee Penner mother of Ashlyn Cannon ( forever 18)
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#awareness#onelasthigh#share#itsnotworthit#themessyouleavebehind#youareloved#thereishelp#stoptheheroinepidemic#yourlifematters
***this took a lot out of me emotionally but if it can open one person’s eyes and make then chose against that one last high it’s worth it. If you are reading this and are thinking about using please know you are loved and there is help for you
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Please SHARE Angee’s powerful message with the ones you love today, before it’s too late. And join us in praying for the healing journey of this strong mother and her family.
