I’m terribly claustrophobic, and even having a 2500 square foot house can feel like a shoebox. We’ve been in our house for over seven years, which is the longest time I’ve lived in one place. It’s starting to sink in that I can’t just live like a parasite, exhausting the potential of a home or a room and then move on. I need to take care of this place. My children need me to take care of this place. Maybe I should stop yelling at them because I’m constantly tripping over their toys. Maybe, despite the solid cleaning advise that I give my 4-year-old, I should start living as an example of a homemaker and fully functioning adult. Finding solace in cleaning. I’ll try it. I am trying it.
I’m going to get up and take my worries and frustration out on my dishes, and my dining room table. Then when I get up in the morning I’m not bogged down and dragged down into this muck-filled pit of darkness because looking around at my own home disgusts me. I can just breathe. And take five minutes to put dishes away while my kids eat breakfast, and a whopping 30 seconds to wipe down the table once they are finished eating. Then my 4-year-old can put the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher and we’re ready for the day. I can take five minutes to sweep the floor while they color or 10 minutes to vacuum while they eat lunch. It’s not that big of a deal.
I want to have a home where I freely invite people in and I’m not embarrassed when someone stops by unannounced. I’m learning. Slowly over the course of several weeks, I have cleaned and kept clean, more and more surfaces in my home. I’m less irritable, and I yell less. Cleaning is making me a better mom. And that’s the goal. To be the best mom that I can possibly be, and a better wife. My husband has never complained and has given me more patience than I feel that I deserve. I guess I just want other moms out there, who struggle as I have, to know that there is hope. Family, MOPS, God, and dare I say even those judgemental people, all have given me strength in one form or another to push beyond my past and head into the future. So take heart, your “aha” moment with come. Be ready with your rubber gloves.
**This article originally appeared on the MOPS blog.
