It’s messy when secrets come out, or when fights occur. It’s messy when someone says something they don’t mean, or when you’re too proud to say you’re sorry. It’s messy when the sewer pipe busts in the front yard, and even messier when it takes weeks to find the time to fix it. It’s messy when the trash is forgotten, or when hair is left in the sink. It’s messy when hormones are out of whack, and especially messy when you say things you absolutely do not mean.
That’s the thing about real life; it’s really messy. Real life involves things like morning breath and dirty dishes left on the bedside table. It’s sick kids, a mortgage payment, and a flat tire on a rainy day. It’s getting fat, getting old, and even those unbelievable things that happen to your body after childbirth. It’s being too exhausted for sex, and realizing the other person is too. It’s about disagreements over raising kids, where to go to eat, and even what to watch on TV. Sometimes it’s forgetting important dates, and forgiving the other person if they do.
So when you’re thinking about the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with it may not be so important how much money they have in the bank or if their hairline recedes. It might just be a question as simple as, “would he be willing to clean up my vomit when I’m sick?”
Would he love me despite the mess?
Would he love me no matter how messy it gets?
No matter what?
When you decide to spend every waking moment with another person it changes things. They see you without makeup, with bedhead, and even when you drool in your sleep with your mouth gaped open. They eventually have to come into the bathroom despite the closed door. If you decide to throw kids into the mix you enter a whole new level of mess. Consider it DEFCON 3, Chaos Level Expert kinda situation. Think rock, paper, scissors over poopy diapers and wearing boogers for 3-5 easy.
You want a good husband who compliments your chaos and manages the mess with you. You want a partner in the process and a mate in the management of all that life throws you. Because it’s a lot. The good genes will come in handy, and the plumbing skills will be nice, but when the crap hits the fan you want a teammate, not just a pretty face with a fat pocketbook. You want a helpmate, that person you could count on even if everyone else cut out. You want the one who sees you clearly and loves you regardless.
You want the guy who will empty out your puke bucket. Trust me. That’s what makes a good husband.
