Stabilizing a child is very different from spoiling a child.
A very young child can want to die, all the time.
You might be surprised at some of the darkest moments. But please know, they are real.
My son was first suicidal when he was 10 years old. Ten. He was not medicated at that time. Nothing was “causing it.” He went from being a slightly anxious and distracted little boy to wanting to die in a matter of months. People questioned it all the time.
Is he just making it up?
He is too young to really be suicidal, right?
Oh my goodness, he just needs a different diet and more time in the sun. He will be fine.
For many of our children, this is a daily reality for years. The only thing worse than your own child pleading with you to kill him so that he doesn’t have to suffer anymore, is not being able to help him feel better.
And that brings me to…
Judgment never, ever helps.
I am not sure I need to say much more here.
It’s shocking how often mental health issues are dismissed and determined to be behavioral and/or a lack of good parenting in nature. Please don’t go there. Every single study shows very real and very distinct differences in our children’s brain scans. Add to the genetic component that must exist for a child so young to even receive one of these complicated diagnoses, and I can assure you that judgment and assumptions only show one’s ignorance of a problem that is medical in nature.
We see the news too, and it’s terrifying.
This one has come up a lot lately, in support groups that I am proud to be a part of. Although I receive comments all the time online about how I am raising the next school shooter (they are promptly deleted and I move on) many parents have friends and family essentially saying the same thing.
The only response I have is that these are our children. We see the news. We know the reality of what has happened in some families. We are doing everything we can to keep our children alive and stable, with almost no real resources. This is a serious debate, and we are absolutely a part of it. But please don’t have it with us in our dining rooms, with our child right next to us.
Our children are still children.
This post is about my family’s worst days. Please know, my son is so much more than all of this.
He is bright and inquisitive. He has the best sense of humor and loves every single animal on the planet. He treats me with tenderness and affection that I consider a wonderful gift.
Our children, while complicated, are still children. They are not just a cluster of diagnoses and poor behavior. They are suffering in ways most of us will never understand. They need compassion and care. They need support and understanding.
They need to be treated like the precious human beings that they are.
**This post appeared originally on NotTheFormerThings.com.
