As we continue our Helping Your Daughter with her Body Image Series, today, I want to ask you to do something unexpected.
I want you to stop telling her she’s pretty.
Allow me to explain:
My daughter was wearing her brand new Elsa dress. (Those Disney marketing geniuses created a wear-to-church style dress with a cape that I knew my little “Frozen” fanatic would love.) We tried to braid her hair off to one side so that she could be as Elsa-like as possible before service that morning. She smiled from ear-to-ear as she stared at the finished product in the mirror.
And I told her how pretty she looked. I gushed over it actually.
After church, I waited to close the door as she stepped one blue plastic dress shoe after another into our minivan. Before I pulled it closed I heard these words fly out of my mouth. “Hey, did anyone tell you how pretty you looked in your new dress?”
“No.” she replied. Somewhat puzzled.
“Oh, well, uh. . . You look so nice. They probably thought it but didn’t say it.”
Dumb, Heather. Dumb. Why do you say things like that?
I know why. Because I wrestle with the value of beauty.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with reminding your daughter of how beautiful she is to you and to God. In truth, I believe we moms (and dads, dads are really important in this arena) should be the one voice in her head that reminds her of her beauty without questioning her physical appearance.
But, there’s something I believe we need to instill in our daughters that is even more important than making sure she knows her mom thinks she’s a real looker.
It’s that being physically beautiful isn’t as important as everyone says it is.