I think this was always one of those things in my Christian walk that kind of bothered me. Early on I asked more mature Christians the same question. Like, how? And most of the time I was told to just surrender.
"I remember the weight. Feeling the darkness drag me down to a place I thought even God couldn’t go. Where I was a nothing and nothing really mattered. Where loneliness devoured my insides but no human being could fill the void. In that moment, I knew only the darkness."