My husband and I were listening to an audiobook on our road trip last night, and somewhere along the way, the author spoke on how all the great pleasures he enjoyed were a gift from God. My spouse chuckled and was quick to tell me that when pondering on his great pleasure given from God, it made him think about thing sex with your spouse. Of course, he did!
As parents to three small daughters, we had to fight to make time for this great pleasure, but fight we did! We enjoyed that part of our relationship, and as we agreed together that it was a beautiful gift from God for spouses, I remembered this post I wrote about four years ago. So I decided to republish it for my new readers. This post is written from a wife’s point of view to other wives, as that is what I am. But some men might find useful information here as well.
You don’t usually see those two words together, do you? Sex and Christian. Sex isn’t typically a topic that is readily discussed in circles amongst Christians unless it is to instruct on the don’ts of sex. What I mean is unless someone is instructing you on what not to do regarding sex as a Christian then you usually won’t hear much else. This is because the subject of enjoying sex is pretty taboo. But my question is why exactly?
I believe sex with your spouse to be a gift from God, and when performed within the guidelines set forth in scripture, I think you can enjoy it. A lot!
You don’t have to see sex as taboo, but rather as a beautiful act to be enjoyed. Even as a Christian.
Realize that sex is not perverted. Let’s start with the basics. To enjoy sex you need to know that it’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing.
I do believe in the Biblical instructions regarding it. I believe sex is a gift for a husband and wife to enjoy in their marriage. While the act of procreation is wonderful in growing a family there is also a lot of enjoyment to be had. But first, you need to remember that sex isn’t taboo. It’s beautiful.
The world has perverted sex, but sex in itself is not perverted. God created sex. Specifically sex with your spouse. The physical act brings enjoyment and pleasure due to not just emotional well-being, but also due to physiological stimulation. To put it simply, God made our bodies to feel the pleasure of sex. But sometimes a mindset that sex is taboo or perverted can prevent you from truly enjoying the act physically.
Just remember that God gave man and woman the gift of sexual intimacy. He ordained it from the beginning. A husband and wife become one flesh through this beautiful covenant.
Understand that sex is not a chore. What’s the key to enjoying sex with your spouse? Wanting to enjoy it.
Sex between a married couple is a way to spend time alone, intimately connecting with the person you love. It’s an act of becoming one, where your soul binds with another. And it’s fun too.
While it’s not a chore, it’s also not a weapon. Keep this in mind.
1 Corinthians 7:5
“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Woman have many tasks to perform in the home. Do yourself a favor, and don’t view sex with your husband as just another chore. While your duty is to your spouse, guess what? His duty is also to you.
No man really wants their wife to just be there, enduring sex because they must. Men want you to enjoy it too. Stop faking your orgasm, and start becoming determined to have one for real.
Which leads me to this advice.
Let go, focus, and enjoy yourself! Be honest women. How many times, well after the honeymoon is over, have you been in bed with your spouse in body, but your mind is elsewhere? It’s like you’re laying there thinking about all those things you have left on your to-do list.
Do you know what your husband is thinking about? Sex. Your husband is thinking about sex. How unfair that you’re left thinking, did the trash get taken to the road? Well, stop it!
You not only owe it to your spouse, but you owe it to yourself to let it go. Let go of every thought other than the moment at hand. Not only will your spouse enjoy it more if you’re present in body and mind, but so will you.
If you focus your thoughts on sex with your spouse, you will be amazed [at] how much more enjoyable the act can be. You may find satisfaction that you didn’t think was possible anymore, or never knew existed.
I’d also encourage you to be sexy. I’m not just talking about going out and buying lingerie. This is not just a physical transformation, but it’s also a mental one. And it’s for your spouse too.
I want you to take the time, find the time to make yourself feel attractive. I have small children, but I still shave every day. I wear nice clothes and make-up for my husband. I do this even if I’m not leaving the house.
Do I do this for him? Well, kind of, but it’s also for me. I know my husband wouldn’t care if I was still in my pajamas. He loves me regardless. But two things happen when I take the time to cultivate my appearance. One, I feel pretty. Two, even if he doesn’t say a word, he notices. He notices I take the time to be pretty for him.
He then realizes I do this because I still want to put forth the effort to be sexy for him. He deserves that. Subsequently, I feel lovely to myself also.
But being sexy goes beyond the outer appearance. I want you to focus on feeling sexy. A woman’s aging body after childbirth may not be the world’s standard of sexy, but that shouldn’t distort your marriage bed.
Pray about this. Focus on feeling sexy when having sex. Your spouse finds you sexy. That’s one of the reasons they desire you sexually. Believe that you are. A confident woman is a sexy woman.
Also, be proactive in finding your spouse to be sexy. A man changes over the years also, but we as women change with them. Our ideals mature. Don’t let your man think you don’t find him attractive. Compliment him. You’ll find that this is a reciprocal relationship of finding one another sexy.
Lastly, pray about sex. A lot of you will find this odd, or you may find it uncomfortable to pray about sex. Gasp!
Remember, sex is beautiful. It’s not perverted. It’s a gift. Don’t you think God wants you to enjoy the gift of sex He has given you and your spouse?
If you are having trouble enjoying sex, focusing on the act of love-making in the midst of it, or having a disconnect with your spouse sexually, then I want you to pray about it. Heck, you can even pray when you start.
Ask God to help you focus on your husband, to enjoy this intimacy with him. Ask God to help heighten your enjoyment of the act. Ask Him to help clear your mind of any outside influences from the devil that wish to take your mind off the enjoyment of sex with your spouse. Yes, the devil wishes to destroy your marital bed. Don’t let him. Pray against it.
This might sound crazy, but I want you to try it. I really think you’ll notice a difference almost immediately.
The most important thing is to remember that sex is enjoyable, and it’s supposed to be. Your body belongs to your husband, and his body belongs to you. Sex with your spouse is a gift. Share this gift with one another. And the more the better!
Song of Solomon 7:6-12
6 How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights!
7 Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters.
8 I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples,
9 and your mouth like the best wine.
It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth.
10 I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me.
11 Come, my beloved, let us go out into the fields and lodge in the villages;
12 let us go out early to the vineyards and see whether the vines have budded, whether the grape blossoms have opened and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love.
(In this post I am excluding any physical problems that prevent sexual enjoyment. Please feel comfortable to discuss these issues with your doctor).
