The temptation to chase that feeling of excitement and approval that comes with each new swipe and with something (or someone) fresh and new is escalated by the convenience of apps like Tinder. There’s always a new option…and then the girl (or guy) ends up feeling like they’re always ALMOST enough…but again, not quite.
Studies have shown that the feeling those apps bring—the feeling of approval and instant gratification—has been considered addictive for some (even after meeting a decent human being that they actually like!).
The Huffington Post published an article on this issue a couple years ago.
That deeply personal, useful and instantly gratifying information makes Tinder an addictive experience, with each match fueling a kind of emotional high. Research has shown “likes” on Facebook and retweets on Twitter can release a dopamine surge that, in some cases, lead to social media addiction. Now imagine the chemical effect of immediate e-feedback that’s even more personal: While Facebook tells you if someone liked your status update, Tinder tells you if someone likes you. How soon will it be before people go from enjoying that feeling to craving it?
Tinder’s popularity both underscores and feeds an obsession with constant acknowledgment and approval. It suggests we’re all but starving for likes, eager for affirmation, and will no doubt be suffering even more acute Tinderitis in our push to figure out which strangers, and how many, think we’re hot. — The Huffington Post
Other studies have shown that the very feeling you experience when you feel like the Almost Girl—the icky feeling of low self-esteem and not enoughness—is correlated to apps like Tinder.
The Problem Isn’t You
So if you’re having trouble dating, if you constantly feel like possible relationships fall through before you even have much of chance, please realize that the problem isn’t you. The problem is chasing that “emotional high,” or, butterflies. And now there are literally apps for capturing them.
What’s the answer, then?
I’m not sure there’s a perfect solution. This whole dating thing is inevitably going to be trickier and trickier as these apps and sites become more and more popular (and addicting). The problem isn’t you but you don’t have to feed into the problem by having a presence on those apps or by playing into the culture. Don’t lower your standards. Because you’re not the almost girl. You’re not almost enough, you’re always enough—even if that guy didn’t like you back or ask for a second date. The butterflies may have just landed somewhere else.
So I’d log off for a hot second, delete the apps, and stop asking what’s wrong with you when things don’t work out. Because you don’t need the emptiness of another swipe—you need the fullness of your Savior (Hebrews 13:6).
What do you think? Leave a comment and share your thoughts!
